Do You Break the ‘Rules’ for Long-Distance Dating?

Posted by in dating after divorce | 0 comments

Dear Sandy,

When I first began dating after my divorce, I made some huge mistakes. In particular, I engaged in bad pre-date behavior, such as writing reams of emails and talking for hours on the phone prior to a first date. I once became so infatuated with someone over the phone and email only to find out that in person, I was literally repelled.

I now know to keep first contacts short and get to the first date pretty quickly to see if there is that all important in-person connection.

That works really well if the guy lives nearby. But what about long-distance dating?

I am now in contact with someone who lives about 300 miles away. We’ve had several great phone conversations, but meeting each other is logistically challenging. I have therefore broken my ‘short conversation to first date’ protocol.

I’d like to Skype and see if there’s a connection, but he hasn’t yet responded to my Skype request. I think he’s technologically challenged and doesn’t check Skype notifications.

What do you suggest I do next? Is the protocol different with long distance dating?


Languishing in Laguna Beach


Dear Languishing,

I love this question, as your bring up a very good point about dating: there are no hard and fast rules!

What works for one person may not work for another. You can’t necessarily apply all the same logic to dating long-distance as you do when dating someone who lives locally.

I agree that Skype is the next best step. If you can’t meet in person right away, you’ll at least be able to see this man on a screen and figure out if you have any chemistry at all. You’ll also know if his online dating profile photo is current or if his hair has fallen out or turned gray since the last photo was uploaded.

However, even without Skype, you can tell many things by this guy’s actions. How often does he call? If he really thinks you’re special, he’ll make an effort to see you sooner rather than later.

I would advise you to do nothing. You’ve put out the message about Skype. You’ve let him know that you’d like to get to know him better. If he moves too slowly, he is probably not someone you’re going to want to wait for.

If that’s the case, use that magic four letter word, NEXT, and move on to the next guy!

Love and hugs,






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