Don’t Be So Available!

Posted by in understanding men over 40 | 0 comments

A few days ago, I matched up a client with a man who seemed to share her values; integrity, honesty, kindness, intelligence, tenacity. After a few email exchanges, he told her that he liked her online profile and found her compelling. The distance between their homes was a bit farther than he would usually travel for a date, but her profile lured him in, and he wanted to ‘chat’. She was about to send him her phone number, when I put the brakes on that email.

“Did he ask you for your number?” I asked. “No,” she said. “Men generally prefer to be hunters. They like to chase you, especially at the beginning of a relationship. Don’t give out your number until he specifically asks for it. Let him chase you a little bit more,” I advised. She carefully crafted a new email, breezy in tone, and instead of handing him her phone number on a plate, she asked him what he meant by ‘chat’.

“Let’s talk! I want to call you. What’s your phone number?” he clearly and quickly responded. My client was thrilled. She had made it through a volley of several emails and was at stage two of the online dating world: The Phone Call!

When the thrill abated a little, she was a bit overwhelmed with the whole online dating world. “I don’t think I’m cut out for this online dating thing,” she lamented. “It feels like a game.” Yes, it can feel like a game if you look at it that way. But I see it differently. I think that men and women communicate differently. In order to have a successful relationship, it is imperative that we learn to speak each other’s languages. That includes letting men hunt women. And no, I am not advocating that you give up your power to a man in order to have a successful relationship. I just think that if you play your cards right and still be true to yourself, you will have much more success in dating. You will attract the ‘right’ kind of guy into your life.

Don’t be so readily available. Don’t email back within five minutes of receiving his email. Don’t send your phone number in the first or second email. You will appear too desperate, and no one wants to be with a desperate person. A decent, grounded man will ask for your number if he wants it. He will pursue you if he thinks you are worth getting to know better. I think it’s wise to let him ask.

So, next time you’re tempted to offer your phone number without his request, be patient. If he’s a quality guy and he wants to get to know you, he will chase after you. Don’t you want a guy to know that you value yourself? By holding back a little, you will show him that you are not a loser, but that you love yourself and you are worth pursuing. Your patience will yield you great results. Just you wait and see!

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