Don’t Sleep With Him Yet!
You meet a great guy. The chemistry is off the charts! Don’t sleep with him yet, says my podcast guest, Dr. Nancy Lee. Listen in to find out why.
My podcast guest, Nancy F. Lee, PhD, is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Beverly Hills, California. She is a leading practitioner of cognitive behavior therapy and specializes in a wide range of behavioral health issues ranging from depression and anxiety to male/female psychosexual desire and functioning. In this podcast episode, we talked about her new book, Don’t sleep with him yet, a badass guide to dating in 10 empowered steps.
Check out the show notes for EP 359: Don’t sleep with him! How to navigate sex and dating.
Don’t Sleep With Him Yet! Show Notes
Why did you write this book?
Five years ago, i noticed women of all ages coming to therapy unhappy about dating and relationships. When I delved deeper, I saw women who were sleeping with men quickly out of obligation, not because they really wanted to. After a few weeks, they would get a text, “I’m not ready for a relationship”. The women would feel blindsided by these men.
There were also women who said they met a cute guy, hooked up at a party. It’s only about sex. Then she can’t stop checking her phone, waiting for a text that doesn’t come. I wrote the book to help women who aren’t standing up for themselves and deferring to men sexually. I spent 5 years doing research that backed up that women need to stand up for themselves.
What do you see as the most disempowering thing women tend to do in dating?
Women have been told culturally they can be just like a man. We want equal job opportunities and the same choices as men, but our brains don’t process sex the same way.
Women convince themselves it’s just about sex and they won’t get attached. Or they hear you have to sleep with a guy on x date. This has women not trust themselves when it comes to love.
A woman has to own her choices when it comes to sex. The key is wanting to be respected. If you have self-esteem, you choose men who respect you back.
What do you suggest a woman do or say if a man pressures her for sex early on?
Explain, “I’m not ready yet”—without an apology. A quality guy will respect that and will stick around. If he’s looking for something substantial, he won’t walk away.
What do you suggest a woman do to take back her power and have men value her more?
Dig deep and respect yourself and trust your choices. Do not self-doubt. Don’t overanalyze. You won’t allow yourself to be manipulated or silenced by a man. You will attract a man who respects you.
Can friends with benefits ever work?
A friend you’re sleeping with will work for the guy, but not for the woman.
I’ve had countless women with that same scenario come into my office who are okay with it for awhile. Then the man starts dating someone seriously, and they’re devastated. Some of the happiest relationships begin as friends WITHOUT benefits! If you want to know if your friend is attracted to you, you can say, “I had a dream about you…” See what he does. [I LOVE this approach]
This episode is filled with so many great nuggets, I highly suggest you listen by clicking here.
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