Email Etiquette: why he/she didn’t write back and what you can do to get better results

Posted by in dating after divorce, single women over 40 | 0 comments

A new client, whom I will call “X”, hired me to help him meet the ‘right’ women. One way for me to get more information as to why he is not meeting the kind of women he’s interested in dating, is to view his online dating correspondence. He sent me a word document filled with pages of what he calls, “Hello emails”. Most of them began like this: “Hi. My name is X. Nice to meet you by email.” Grab your attention yet?

Here are some of his emails:


Hello ______, My name is X. Nice to meet you by email. Where do you like to ski?, X

RE: Subject

Hello – So how often do you board?

Hello _____

Hello ______ – My name is X. Nice to meet you by email.

You note Love and Laughter. I love to laugh. Laughter is essential in my day. I like to add humor and laugh as much as I can. I also love music and the outdoors.

I noted you ski. Have you done any skiing this year.

Hello E

Hello E, Nice to meet you by email. My name is X. I love to laugh and use sarcasm like you. I also have a pation for music with awsome stereo in my Car, boat and house. Are you by chance a music lover? X

So, what’s wrong with these emails? Okay, a lot of what he did wrong is probably obvious to most of you. He wasn’t specific enough. He didn’t ask the right kinds of questions. He didn’t make the woman feel like he approached her because of her unique attributes.

I directed X to look for the values in a woman. That is where the deepest connections are made, not just through shared activities. You can be in love with someone and not like the same movies or sports. It’s what’s inside that matters most. The external stuff can fade with time. The internal does not.

Once you connect to the essence of a person, which is easier to do if their profile is honest and well-written, ask a good question. “Do you like music?” doesn’t count. I’m talking about values again. Ask about what she’s passionate about in life. Ask him what he does to relax. What book is she reading? What movie did he recently watch? These questions may not seem values-based, but they really are. How we spend our time is a choice we make, and it’s usually based on our values.

One final point: use spell check. I may be jumping to unfair conclusions, but I make judgments about a person’s level of intelligence based on the grammar and spelling mistakes in an opening email. Sure, a person can be brilliant and make spelling and grammatical errors, but that’s why we have spell-check. Take a few extra moments and double-check what you write.

You get one chance to make a first impression. Make it count!


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