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What Every Woman Needs to Know About Men to Succeed in Love - Last First Date | Last First Date

What Every Woman Needs to Know About Men to Succeed in Love

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succeed in love

Why do so many relationships fail? Psychologist, Dr. Jed Diamond, shares what every woman needs to know about men to succeed in love.

My radio guest, Dr. Jed Diamond, is the Founder and Director of MenAlive. For more than 40 years, he’s been helping men and the women who love them succeed in love. He’s a licensed psychotherapist with a Ph.D. in International Health and believes creative, joyful, couples are the hope for the future of humankind.

Dr. Diamond is the author of 14 books including international best-sellers, Male Menopause, The Irritable Male Syndrome, and The Enlightened Marriage: The 5 Transformative Stages of Relationships and Why the Best is Still to Come.

Check out highlights of our radio interview below on What Every Woman Needs to Know About Men to Succeed in Love

What Every Woman Needs to Know About Men to Succeed in Love

Are men and women more alike or different?

On a deep level, we are very much alike. We all want to be loved and cared for. But there are differences. Some differences are the spice of life that make relationships good. But our differences can also be a source of pain when we feel unseen or cared for.

Part of what I do in my professional and personal life is help people develop deep relationships by understanding one another.

My wife and I were both in two failed marriages before meeting each other. We now understand what doesn’t work and the blocks that get in the way. [We’ve been married 38 years. The third time’s the charm for us!]

Why do you recommend that all men join a men’s group?

After my last marriage fell apart, I was really wounded. I had reached bottom. I felt lousy about myself. I wondered if I’d ever be happy again. I had left an abusive relationship, which is why I was so wounded.

I got into a men’s group to heal from the wounds and eventually begin to trust being with women again. 

A lot of the success of my marriage has to do with me being in a men’s group. There are things men can do and heal and talk about in a men’s group that’s dedicated to look at ourselves. In a same sex group, we can understand ourselves better and learn what it means to be a man.

A man doesn’t expect a woman to fill all his needs. Also, there are things men can only learn from other men. We come from a background of lost fathers. My father was gone from the time I was five. I didn’t learn what I needed from my father. There’s a lot of dysfunction in relationships, because we don’t have the training and modeling for what it’s like to be in a healthy relationship.

How do you know when it’s best to get out of a relationship?

1. When relationships become consistently abusive: either sexually, emotionally, or physically. You don’t feel safe. 

2. When there are betrayals: either sexual and emotional. When you start giving your attention to someone else, and you don’t tell your partner.

3. When a partner is unwilling to make it better. You are not happy and you feel you can’t be happy in the relationship. You have given up on having a relationship that works. People often give up because they don’t know how to make it better. Often, it’s that you don’t know how to get through to your partner. 

Exercise for talking to a man when there’s conflict: Women are usually better at face to face communication. Men are better at shoulder to shoulder communication. That’s why saying, “We need to talk”, is terrifying to him. Go for a walk side-by-side rather than face-to-face.

What’s the best way for someone to risk loving again after they’ve been wounded and hurt?

When we’ve been wounded, we get protective. People might say they are not interested in relationships. They get lonely and jump in again.

Instead of jumping in and getting hurt again, start in stages: 

Stage 1: coffee, hanging out.

Stage 2: friendship

Stage 3: intimate friendship

Stage 4: sensual friendship

These stages allow you to feel safe. They take the pressure off of thinking you have to find your soul partner, the love of your life. You go at a pace that feels good to you. That’s how you succeed in love!

Visit Dr. Jed Diamond at MenAlive.com, and receive his exclusive video interview with Dr. Iyanla Vanzant, world-famous author and star of Iyanla Save My Life on The OWN Network. She shares her unique wisdom on why men are the way they are, what women need to know to have great relationships, and how men and women can find real, lasting love.

Listen to the show here.

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