Falling In Love With An Emotionally Dangerous Person

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emotionally dangerous person

Listen to this cautionary tale of falling in love with an emotionally dangerous person. You won’t believe what happened in this episode!

Bill Saubert is the author of “The Girl With The Green Lipstick“, a cautionary memoir of falling in love with an emotionally dangerous person. He’s an adventurer, NPR radio host, entrepreneur, non-profit board member, and novelist. He was a partner with the management consulting firm of McKinsey & Co before taking a senior marketing role with MasterCard in Australia for four years after which he retired. He is the proud father of a fabulous daughter and the grandfather of two beautiful children.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • What motivated Bill to write his memoir about falling for an emotionally dangerous person?
  • The significance of the green lipstick
  • Is online dating riskier later in life?
  • Why Bill missed red flags in his relationship

Falling In Love With An Emotionally Dangerous Person

What motivated you to write this book?

I was married for seventeen years to the love of my life. She died of ovarian cancer after a long struggle. For sixteen months after her death, I still felt married and wore my wedding ring. I didn’t want to move on. The wife of a friend of mine said I needed to date again.

My wife had wanted me to move on, too. So, I joined an online dating site. The first woman I met was the girl with the green lipstick. She was fun, attractive, and sexy. She needed a job, and I hired her to be a manager of one of my stores. My attorney told me it was a bad idea. She eventually became my general manager. A few years later, I said let’s live together. Shortly after we moved in together, her dysfunctional behavior started to show up. She moved her lover into our home. She embezzled over $250,000 from my business.

Why did I stay with her? I believed I could make it work. I hired a counselor, and she told me in our first session that my girlfriend was a sociopath, a narcissist, and she’d destroy me. She told me to leave her. I divorced her. She sued me. My attorney did a background check, and called me into her office. She had three hundred documents outlining her long criminal history.

How much of what’s in the book actually happened to you?

Most of the book is true. There’s a lot in the public domain about her criminal history. However, I expanded on some of her stories, even though I didn’t know if they were 100 percent true.

What’s the significance of the green lipstick?

The new owner of the house in Albuquerque found a box from a cosmetic company addressed to my ex. In the box was frog green lipstick. It goes on dark green, and the PH in a woman’s lips turns it bright pink. That was a great metaphor for who she is.

Is online dating riskier as one gets older? 

I do believe it’s riskier. A high percentage of the women I met online were scammers or fraudulent. They were also highly broken women. I’m working with a matchmaker now, who’s introducing me to lovely women.

At some point didn’t you see red flags in your relationship or did your heart just overrule your reasoning?

I couldn’t explain why I put up with her. It was like Stockholm syndrome. I wasn’t being honest with myself. I suspended the disbelief until my marriage counselor woke me up to the reality of who she was. I was rationalizing everything. 

How did you heal?

I’m still healing. First, I am totally honest with myself. I read many books. One is by Tudor who is a narcissist writing about narcissistic behavior. One of his books is called Evil, and it’s spot on in describing what this woman did. It was therapeutic to write the book.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Don’t give up. There is someone out there. Get a background check before you get seriously involved. 

Watch on Youtube

Connect with Bill Saubert: http://billsaubert.com

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