Feeling Shame? Here’s How to Stop!

Posted by in self-esteem in dating, single women over 40 | 0 comments

Shame is one of the most debilitating emotional reactions we have. Watch this video to learn how to stop the shame spiral and take your power back!

Have you ever felt the shame of not being good enough, not measuring up to others’ expectations, or doing the wrong thing and wishing you could take it back?

In today’s video from our boundaries series, Theresa Byrne and I are talking about how to stop the shame spiral. This is not about setting boundaries with others. Shame requires you to set boundaries with yourself first. We’ll show you how.

Shame! Now there’s a topic…

Shame is one of the most debilitating emotional reactions we have; it can literally suck the wind out of our sails and stop us from moving forward.

We can get emotionally triggered from past shame unless we work on it. That’s why we’re talking about shame and how to stop letting it take you down.

Why Do We Have Shame?

1. Judgement: Shame is always a reaction to judgment; either judgement from someone else or ourselves. Babies don’t inherently have shame. They don’t care if they’ve messed their diapers, because that’s what they’re supposed to do! Shame is learned behavior, or what’s considered right or wrong based on our cultural or family messages. 

2. Expectations: When others have expectations of us, and we don’t meet them, we feel a sense of unworthiness or shame. Expectations lIke “you have go to college or get a 9-5 job to be successful, or you have to be married by a certain age or have kids”, even if that’s not something you want.

3. The Energetic Effect of Shame: On the applied kinesiology scale, shame has been calculated in our bodies as the closest to death! Shame makes us feel like we want to curl up into a ball. Not only does it take our energy away, it can zap our will to live! Shame becomes a spiral unless we know how to stop it.

4. Rejection: Our fear of rejection can create shame and paralysis. We fear rejection based on a past experience where we felt embarrassed or ashamed when we were vulnerable and opened our hearts to someone. Many of my clients are afraid to speak up when feelings are hurt, because in the past, a partner made fun of them or rejected and called them too needy or too sensitive. That fear of rejection brings on a sense of shame, and they enter into a shame spiral rather than standing in their power.

5. Assault/Abuse: Many women who’ve been sexual assaulted or who’ve been in toxic or abusive relationships don’t report the abuse due to the shame around the event, the stigma and how they might be seen. They start to doubt themselves and their choices. They lack the ability to say “NO”.

Theresa shares a heartbreaking story about a client who was assaulted and had never ever said no. Watch the video for this moving story and more.

Watch the video below to learn about the shame spiral and our step-by-step method for how to heal from shame.

Download our FREE cheat sheet, and get our unique steps for how to process shame and take your power back.

Please share this with your friends who might benefit from reducing shame, and leave a comment below about your key takeaways.


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