Fifty Shades of Dating
I had coffee this morning with a good friend. I’m divorced with three big kids. She’s married with three small children. But we have all the important things in common. We couldn’t stop talking about everything from work to our kids to politics. But soon, the conversation moved to something much more juicy; the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy by EL James. Why is this series so popular, especially among women?
My friend told me that her closest friends are all reading the books, and now their husbands are reading them, too! There’s even a companion book that I didn’t know about, Fifty Shades of Pleasure: A Bedside Companion: Sex Secrets That Hurt So Good, by Marisa Bennett.
So, what’s the big deal? Why all the fuss over these books?
Isn’t this all just a poor excuse for porn for women? Why bother reading the books? Why not just go watch some porn? Someone posed that question on Facebook the other day. It was a guy. A guy who never read Fifty Shades.
Here’s what I think. This book trilogy has normalized sexual fantasies, especially for women. It is rocking the bedrooms of long-term relationships that have gone stale in the bedroom.
I see couples injecting new life into their ho-hum relationships. Monogamy can be difficult, especially with our increased life span, where couples can be together for fifty or sixty years. A good dose of Fifty Shades can come in handy to spark things up in the bedroom.
My friend revealed that Fifty Shades introduced her group of friends to sex toys for the first time. They made their first trip to an adult shop, where the store owner asked if they were ‘Judy, Jane, and Jasmine’ (not their real names). “How did you know our names?” they asked.
“I have three gift certificates for you from Mr. Grey!” he said. One of the women’s husbands had faxed over their photos and gifted them with $100 gift certificates to buy sex toys! How cool is that?
Fifty Shades is definitely influencing my clients who are dating again after divorce. Many have been in long marriages, and for a majority of them, sex was not great.
Rediscovering sex with new partners following a long marriage can be quite enlightening. Especially if you have an experimental sexy partner!
‘Barbara’ started dating ‘Joey’ a few years after her 25-year marriage ended. Little did she know that mild-mannered shy Joey was an adventurous and amorous lover.
Joey took Barbara to a sex shop for her first sex toy purchase, but he had his own cadre of sex toys and massage oils that he took out the first time they were together. For the first time in 25 years, Barbara was having amazing sex.
Fifty Shades of Grey may not be the next Pulitzer Prize winner, but it certainly has woken people up to the possibility of getting more joy and pleasure out of life.
And that’s something worth celebrating!