How do I Find a Good Guy After a Marriage of Verbal Abuse?

Posted by in dating a dangerous man, dating after divorce, love after 40 | 0 comments

verbal abuseThis article originally appeared in Better After 50.

Dear Sandy,

I’ve been divorced from Mr. Wrong for four years. I was verbally abused in my marriage and want to do better this time around. I’ve done some healing with a therapist and am now ready to find my Mr. Right. I’m only interested in dating men who are serious and commitment-minded, not players or those who are just looking for a fling. How do I quickly screen out the wrong men without being too judgmental and possibly overlooking the right ones? And how do I stop obsessing on whether he’s the “one” on every date?

Thank you,


Dear Janet,

So sorry to hear about the verbal abuse you experienced during your marriage. Many of my clients have suffered from abuse in some form. It can be challenging to rebuild your self-esteem and learn to trust men. So, I’m glad to hear you’re dating and ready to find your Mr. Right.

Healing from verbal abuse

Here’s the rub. If you are obsessed with finding the “one”, you will bring a sense of anxiety and suspicion with you on every date. You’ll have a wall up, as you evaluate each man and see if he’s worthy of being the “one” for you. That could turn off a man who might be your best match. Men don’t like feeling like they’re being interrogated or judged. This is one of the most common complaints from men. They want to be accepted for who they are, not tested to see if they meet your requirements.

To read more and find out how to heal from Mr. Wrong and attract Mr. Right, click here.


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