Finding a Relationship is Hard Work! (Or is it?)

Posted by in understanding men over 40 | 0 comments

Dating is hard work. You meet a guy, either online or in person. If you’re lucky and you hit it off on some level, you exchange a few emails. Finally, if you are really lucky, you are at the ‘talk on the phone’ phase. If you pass this ‘test’, you are asked out on a date. Sound the trumpets!! But wait, will the date be a dud, or will there actually be a connection? And if there is some sort of spark, will the connection lead to a relationship? If the answer is yes, will the relationship last? If the answer is no, you must start all over again from step # one. Dating is exhausting!

But that is just a perspective. There is a secret to enjoying the dating process, and at the very least, not letting it get you down. The secret? Go to work on a regular basis. In other words, acknowledge that dating is going to take a lot of your time. You are going to probably meet many men before you choose someone with whom you want to have a relationship. But don’t quit. Keep at it.

When you’re doing the hard work of dating, getting rejected, meeting creeps, missing a strong connection, saying or doing the wrong thing-this is a really bad time to make a decision about whether it’s time to quit.

How do you keep from quitting? Make your dating plan before you start. Don’t allow setbacks or anxiety get you down. Don’t give up after a few bad dates and say, “hey, maybe I should stop dating for a few months. All men are a-holes. I’ll never meet a guy. I am much happier being alone.”

If you do that, your saboteur will be very happy. He/she will use that excuse again and again.

And you will stay single. Which is not what you want, is it?

Yes, dating can be hard. It can be so frustrating to encounter clueless and sometimes downright icky men who say and do things that turn you off and make you want to scream, “are there any good men out there? Am I searching for the holy grail? Does he even exist??”

I believe that your soul mate does exist. Don’t quit looking for him. If you stay in your house, you won’t meet him. (No, he’s probably not disguised as the Fed Ex guy). If you quit online dating, you greatly reduce your chance of meeting him.

A guy online recently told me that his goal this winter is to stay warm. His big decision for now is whether to collect more fire wood for his fireplace or convert it to gas. He is not actively dating. He believes that if G-d wants him to meet his beloved, she will just show up. How’s that working for him?

I think that if G-d wants you to meet your beloved, you should:

a) believe that this person exists somewhere in the universe and

b) go out to find him

In short, you need to do the work. Don’t quit now. He may be just around the corner.

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