Five Green Lights to Look for When Dating Someone New

Posted by in dating after divorce, dating in midlife | 0 comments

green lights

These five green lights from Dr. Ramon Presson will help you choose a better partner when dating again after divorce or loss.

Dr. Ramon Presson is a licensed marriage and family therapist with over 30 years of experience. He’s in private practice in the Nashville, TN area where he is also a regularly featured newspaper columnist. He is the author of a dozen books, including three co-written with Dr. Gary Chapman, the author of the international best-seller The Five Love Languages.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • Why a marriage therapist is an expert in divorce and dating
  • Why the divorce rate is higher for second marriages
  • How to have successful remarriages
  • How to heal after divorce
  • 5 green lights to search for when dating again

EP 540: Dr. Ramon Presson – Five Green Lights to Look for When Dating Someone New

How is a marriage therapist such an expert on divorce and dating?

I was also an associate pastor working with single adults who were never married and single parents. I helped with divorce recovery. Plus as a relationship therapist, I help with all stages of relationships. 

Why do you believe the divorce rate is higher for second and subsequent marriages, and why is it so important to you to reverse that trend?

What I saw as a therapist and pastor was that in second and third marriages, couples tend to have shorter courtships and shorter engagement periods. They’re rushing to the altar. The reason is “I’m not getting any younger” or “Because of what I’ve been through, I’m wiser and know what I’m looking for now”. 

I’m thinking because they’ve been through a painful divorce, why aren’t they being even more careful – especially if they have children! 

Slow down the train. Make sure the relationship is healthy before committing. 

How can divorcees heal after divorce before dating again?

It’s important to grieve, to feel your anger, and to forgive your ex and let go of anger in order to move on. If you’re stuck in grieving or holding onto anger, it’s hard to move on.

If your identity is so tied to your relationship with your ex, it can be hard to get unstuck.

If your bitterness stays for a long time and you remain a victim, you’ll stay stuck.

What are five green lights people should look for when dating someone new? 

The Five Green Lights

  1. Chemistry: Compatibility of interests and core values. Connection of personalities. 
  2. Healthy confidence. Secure in who they are. Not needy. Not arrogant. Not egocentric.
  3. Solid character. You can’t teach character. You can’t teach communication skills to someone who lacks character. Tells the truth. Follows through on commitments. Listens well.
  4. Emotional health is prominent. Everyone has wounds. Have they done healing?
  5. Positive communication. Sharing, negotiation, and conflict resolution. 

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Be patient with yourself and the other person you’re dating. Keep the green lights and caution flags in mind. If a couple dates long enough, you’ll have a moment of disillusionment. How you respond to that matters. It’s not one strike and you’re out. It’s a chance to create margins of grace for yourself and your partner.

Watch this episode on YouTube

Connect with Dr. Ramon Presson: 

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