How to Fix Your Broken Picker
Do you keep picking the wrong men? Men who are emotionally unavailable? Men who are not relationship-ready? Here’s how to fix your broken picker!
My radio guest, Raeeka Yaghmai, founder and CEO of Dating with Confidence™, is a certified life coach and a dating and relationship expert for single women as well as a professional opera singer. She’s been a featured expert in Your Tango, Blog Talk Radio, Nourishing Real Talk, KIRN 670am Radio, Bustle.com. She excels in teaching chronically single women how to create and maintain the relationship they desire but haven’t been able to find on their own. An Iranian-American, Raeeka is an expert in inter-cultural dating. She educates and empowers women to date with confidence, grace, playfulness, and curiosity in the 21st century.
Enjoy highlights below of episode #266: Fix Your “BROKEN PICKER” and Find an Amazing Partner on Your Terms!
How to Fix Your Broken Picker
Why do so many smart, successful women date the wrong men?
We are not born with a broken picker. It’s due to a series of choices that we make. A picker breaks when we’re dating without being mindful and make choices based on fear, scarcity, judgments, and what others have told us, rather than what we want [and need].
It’s important to find out who we are and what we want. We need to look at our patterns and know that we are given the power of choosing; our thoughts, decisions.
How do you help women start this process of self-discovery?
I ask women to take a little break from dating and find who they are and what they want. In that time, they become more confident at work in an open and feminine way. They get what they want without being forceful. And they learn how to apply those skills to dating.
We do a lot of work to understand the difference between IQ and EQ. Being vulnerable and emotionally intelligent is so important. They learn how to identify important character traits in men. And they learn to ask themselves, “What do you want to feel with a man?”
What would you tell a woman who says, “Why do I have to hide my strength and be soft in order to please a man”?
Soft is not weak. The way you say something is everything. It’s about getting your needs met by inspiring a man to respond to you. When you have your boxing gloves on, it’s off-putting. Being strong is knowing that a man’s not right for you, and gracefully saying it’s not a match. Being strong is when you’re in an argument, you handle it in a loving way.
Our past experiences can make us say, “men are cheaters” or “all they want is sex”. We don’t always realize that we played a role, and it was our broken picker that got us into that situation. We think to avoid it, we need to be harsh.
A quality relationship-ready man has also taken the time to work on himself. He doesn’t have time for a woman who doesn’t know how to speak softly. Be the person you want to attract.
According to your Broken Picker Solution training, what are four types of men when it comes to dating and relationships?
I’ve identified four types of men in the dating field. They can all come across as relationship-ready men, but only one is. It’s important to get to know men. Extreme chemistry ruins relationships at the start.
Would you let just anybody walk into your house and show them your safety box? No! You would get to know them over time, and then you’d invite them into your house.
Go through the different stages of dating to assess which of the four types of men they are:
How can women identify relationship-ready men so they don’t get stuck with the wrong man?
He is as equally interested in you as you are in him. He asks you questions. He takes his time. He follows up but doesn’t rush. He responds to boundaries with grace. My fiancé took his time and was consistent. And the most important thing is this: their words and actions match.
I don’t believe in rules at all. I believe that your values are your rules and guide. Take responsibility if you sleep with a man early on. It was your choice. And it creates a different atmosphere. I tell my clients the consequences of sleeping with a man without a strong foundation. You can’t reverse once you have sex.
I recommend that you don’t sleep together until you’re dating exclusively. You’ll avoid STDs. Also, assess whether he’s consistent. And are you progressing towards something. How is he around his friends, your friends, and family? How is he during arguments?
Get the FREE Broken Picker Solution Guide here.
Listen to the episode on Blog Talk Radio here.
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