They Found Love Online!
John and Loretta met through an online dating site. At the time, John was a newspaper columnist giving online dating advice. Loretta was a magazine editor growing tired of the long line of ‘Mr. Wrongs’ the dating sites kept sending her. When they met, John tried to go a bit fast for Loretta’s liking – so she slowed him down. And that led to a friendship that blossomed into true – honest to goodness – love. Yes, they found love online. But getting there wasn’t always easy. In fact they almost didn’t get there at all. Following are loosely transcribed highlights of my radio interview with John and Loretta.
They found love online!
Sandy: Loretta, I love that you come across in John’s book as a high value woman, someone who set limits and knew her boundaries when dating John. Do you have any advice for women over 40 who are dating online?
Loretta: Have a plan from the beginning or you’ll end up going with his plan. I knew I was ready for a long term relationship and not a fling. Be yourself. I could see through the “Romeo” exterior that there was a quality man there. I saw that he was intelligent. I knew he’d be receptive to me telling him I didn’t want to become physical with him if we weren’t in a relationship. I advice women to be less reactive, more proactive. So many women think the way to get a guy is to be cool, friends with benefits, when what they truly want is to be in a relationship.
Sandy: I so agree with you, Loretta. I love that you say how important it is to have your own plan. I spent so many years as part of someone else’s plan and lost myself in relationships. Any other love lessons that you learned along the way to finding love?
Loretta: Meet sooner rather than later. If you exchange too many phone calls and emails, you can create a false relationship. We exchanged one email before meeting.
John: We’re changing the way we date because of online dating. Some of what people do is unrealistic. When dating online, ask yourself, “Would I do this in the real world?” Let’s say you meet someone at a party, have a conversation, and decide if you want to go further. Online, you don’t have the face-to-face, so you need a marketing strategy to decide if you want to go ahead. Don’t fall for potential. That’s why it’s so important to meet as soon as you can. In other words, don’t purchase the car before driving it!
Sandy: Great advice. In your opinion, who emails first in online dating?
John: Either one. If someone views your profile, check out their profile.
Loretta: Relationships are a dance. Who leads and who follows? It’s a give and take. The modern woman is looking for balance of both.
Sandy: John, how did you end up writing a book on online dating?
John: I was in the building industry, and when that came to a halt, I was trying to figure out what to do. I always liked to write, and I was dating online. I was having a great time and so were my guy friends. But the women I met were expressing a lot of angst about online dating. I was analyzing it and giving them feedback. I was offered a chance to write a weekly column in a newspaper, and I gave my advice on what goes on in a man’s head so I could help women succeed at online dating.
When I began dating after my divorce, I got into mini-relationships. After one ended, I’d start another one. Loretta and I dated and then were friends for a long time. We were dating other people and gave each other advice!
Loretta: Because we were ourselves, when we segued into a romantic relationship, it took only a few months to solidify that. I knew he was the kind of guy who needed to get into a relationship slowly.
Finding love after 40 is very different from finding love in your twenties.
John and Loretta are a true example of dating with dignity and developing a lasting relationship through honesty, self-awareness, and great communication. To listen to the entire juicy episode, click here.
P.S. If you’re a woman 40+ and you’re ready to find your true love online, check out my new and improved FIND LOVE ONLINE TELECOURSE. I’ll walk you step-by-step through the online dating process. It starts in October 2015. Hey, if you hurry, you might still be eligible for the early action bonus.