Getting Out of Your Head on a Date

Posted by in dating in midlife, love after 40 | 1 comment

getting out of your head on a date

My podcast guest, Heather Nichols, talked about the importance of getting out of your head on a date. Hint: Your body holds the answers to true love!

My podcast guest, Heather Nichols, MSW, is a Joy of Business facilitator, movement & meditation consultant, tantra practitioner and somatic psychotherapist. She combines her expertise in mind-body therapy with 20 years’ experience in the world of business and entrepreneurship to facilitate people toward a fuller, more joyful, experience of business, life and family.

An Access Consciousness® facilitator, healer, and mom, Heather has been running a weekly radio show for more than 6 years. She also facilitates workshops and private consultations online and around the world. She refuses to take ‘no’ for an answer from life and brings to her work a fierce commitment to create joy, ease, and wealth on the planet – in every aspect.

Check out episode 354 to learn how to get out of your head and into your body on your journey to true love. 

Listen to/download this episode by clicking below.

Getting Out of Your Head on a Date!

What led you to do somatic/body healing?

I was always into my body. I was a dancer, a diver in high school, and I’ve always enjoyed my body. I didn’t realize that was rare until I got older. I became a social worker and was interested in movement therapy. When I brought the body into my work, change was faster and more dynamic and lasting.

When we ignore our bodies, it diminishes what we can create.

When I found the tools of Access Consciousness, it made the change so much faster and more permanent and effective.

Our bodies tend to hold our stories, so when we clear and change our limiting stories, allowing the body to let go of that helps change us.

What’s the value of getting out of your head on a date?

I have an amazing relationship of almost nine years with a man I met at a tantra retreat. The story of us meeting was so informed by my body. When I got divorced, my kids were young. I hadn’t been valuing myself at the time. I came across tantra, and I was notified about a retreat in Antigua in the Caribbean. My body/intuition knew I had to go. As it got closer, I had the sense I might be meeting someone there.

My partner Brian walked in late, and I said to myself, “Who is that?!” We both just knew it was right. It’s been absolutely phenomenal. If I had been in my head about any of it, there would have been many objections [from my head].

I was clear about what I was asking for in a relationship. It was about honoring me and finding someone I’d like to create a life with. I didn’t measure him against a checklist. My body knew he was nurturing to my body and life. The specifics didn’t really matter. We were both willing to make it work.

Love never shows up like you think it’s going to. If you know that going in, it’s a lot more fun!

What are some practical tools people can use to include their bodies in choosing a partner or a lover?

Trauma changes our nervous system, and neurologically we get stuck in fight, flight, or freeze and have to protect ourselves. Abuse and trauma are far more insidious than we think. It’s a part of our world in every way.

One of my favorite tools is called ‘The Bars’. It’s different points on the head. You hold these points. Many of our fight/flight/freeze responses dissipate. It’s a clearing that happens. You lay on a table and someone holds these points on the head. You have less reactivity. Less PTSD. You can learn it in a day. People all over the world teach these sessions.

You can go to to search for a Bars facilitator near you.

What’s one last tip you can share to help our audience go on their last first date?

Do whatever you can to get more connected to your body. Pay attention to your body more. Go for walks, do yoga—whatever is fun for you. Honor your body. Have more of a connection. Trust when you have a gut feeling, and follow it. Experiment with it. Play with it for an hour or a day and see what that’s like. What shows up? See what it’s like to experience a world beyond our heads!

Find Heather at and there are links to sign up for her newsletter.

On Facebook: Heather Nichols CF

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1 Comment

  1. Dating can be a headache rack. But I will take note of those tips and try to incorporate what I just read. Hopefully, my next date would be a great one.

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