Why You Hate Online Dating (and how to learn to love it)
I recently had lunch with four divorced friends. We’ve all been divorced for different lengths of time – 11 years, 7 years, 5 years, and 4 months. The conversation quickly turned to our dating experiences.
The woman who just got divorced told us that she can’t even think about dating this soon after her divorce. We all agreed that she’s wise to take some time to rediscover who she is after so many years in a bad marriage. When she asked the three of us if there are any good men out there, the one who’s divorced five years said, “There are no good men. Online dating sucks!”
My immediate reaction was to defend online dating and men. “There are good men and online dating doesn’t suck. What sucks is your attitude!”
I didn’t actually say that out loud. I didn’t want to offer unsolicited advice. But what I know from experience both as a dating coach and a woman dating after divorce is that online dating really does work. Unfortunately, many people who try online dating don’t do it effectively. It’s not surprising when they say that online dating doesn’t work.
It’s all about effective dating skills and maintaining a positive perspective on online dating (and dating in general). My belief is:
“Change your attitude, change your online dating success.”
Sure, online dating can be very frustrating. You can email 10 men and only get a response from one (or none). You might receive scores of flirts and emails from creepy men. Maybe you go on first date after first date without meeting someone you want to date twice. Or you meet a guy with potential who doesn’t ask you out again.
Online dating is not usually a straight path to love. The algorithm doesn’t look like this:
Sign up for online dating. Find a great guy. Go on your first date, second date, third date, etc. You’ve found the relationship of your dreams!
It looks more like this:
Sign up for online dating. Go on a first date. Go on another date. He’s not the one. Initiate and answer more emails. Wait for responses from quality men. Maintain a positive attitude. Learn from every date. Go on more dates. Meet someone you want to date again. Find the relationship of your dreams.
The most important (and sometimes most difficult) component in the above equation?