Having the Relationship Talk

Posted by in breaking up with grace | 0 comments

the relationship talkHi Sandy,

I have a question about relationships (I know, duh!).

I have a guy I’ve been acquaintances with since last summer, and in November we became friends. In January we started talking non-stop to each other. That’s when I started liking him. We have gotten really close to each other and I know he likes me, because he shyly finds reasons to be close to me and finds any reason to hug me, and he tells me all the time how beautiful and wonderful he thinks I am and how he is so glad I’m in his life. We hang out all the time, just us, and he is always doing everything he can for me. It’s like we skipped the “Will you go out with me? I want you to be mine” convo and just entered a relationship without the communication.

So, three months ago, I hoped he’d ask me out. A month ago I was like, “When is he gonna ask me out?” Now that we are super close, I’m like “What the heck?!? Why haven’t we talked about us yet?!” Some people thought maybe he “assumed” we were already in a relationship (Which is not ok in my book any way… ), but when people ask “Is that your girlfriend?” (Which everybody on the planet assumes… ) he says “No.” I have thought many times about starting the conversation myself, but I want him to be the man and start it. I really really care about this guy. I can’t even say it’s just a crush any more.

To add to the information, he is moving several states away in two months. I’ve thought maybe that’s why he hasn’t asked, but we are so close it kinda seems like this should be talked about! I would be happy with a long-distance relationship with him rather than remaining “Just friends” over texts and skype… He has said he plans on still talking to me just as much when he moves.

So, my question is; should I start this conversation? And if so, I have no idea how to start or anything! The thought of it makes me nervous! Or, should I continue to wait for him? I really want him to start it but will he ever?

Please help… I’m so lost and everybody and their mom has advice on it… (Especially my dad!)

Beth

Dear Beth,

Here’s the thing: when a guy wants to be in a relationship with you, he makes it clear. He escalates the relationship. He does whatever he can to make you his girl.

A confident man will ask you out, get physical with you, and be in a relationship with you.

He doesn’t need your help to get the conversation started. In general, men are pretty straightforward in relationships. A good guy will say what he means. You don’t need to read between the lines.

You need to look at what he IS saying, not what he’s NOT saying.

When to Have the Relationship Talk?

From the information you’ve shared about your ‘friend’, you seem to be solidly in the ‘friend zone’. Here’s a clue: ‘when people ask “Is that your girlfriend?” (Which everybody on the planet assumes… ) he says “No.”

No means no, not maybe, not in six months. If you’re not okay with that, you have a choice; you can walk away from this friendship, or be okay with the friendship as it is.

Of course there’s one more choice, which is to have the ‘relationship talk’ with him. You can tell him that you’re really attracted to him and ask if he feels the same way.

You might be giving off the vibe that you’re just interested in him as a friend.

My advice is not to have ‘the relationship talk’. I think you already know your answer. And the conversation would likely be humiliating to you. Just picture him saying no, and think about how you’d feel. You’d also probably lose the friendship.

If you want a boyfriend, go out and date someone who makes it clear that you’re his girlfriend. If you can’t be friends with this guy without wanting more, cut it off. It might feel painful in the short term, but when you have your boyfriend who loves and cherishes you, you’ll look back and ask yourself, “Why did I settle for a relationship with a guy who didn’t want to be my boyfriend?”

You need to respect and honor yourself enough to not settle for less than you want in a relationship.

Please share your thoughts below.

To grab a copy of my brand new FREE report, “The Top Three Mistakes Midlife Daters Make (and how to turn them around to find love now,” click here.

xoxo

Sandy

 

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