Healing From Codependency

Posted by in love after 40 | 0 comments

healing from codependency

Charisse Cooke helps with healing from codependency on this episode of Last First Date Radio. Such an important conversation!

Charisse Cooke has been a therapist for 17 years and in a relationship for 14, which is why she has firsthand knowledge of the traps we inevitably fall into. She offers step-by-step online teaching videos outlining exactly what to do to improve your relationship.She also writes how-to articles tackling the biggest problems modern relationships face. And she answers your questions in the Agony Aunt section of her website.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • What is codependency?
  • How does codependency originate?
  • How does being codependent affect our romantic relationships?
  • How can we begin to heal from codependency?

EP 487: Charisse Cooke – Healing From Codependency

What inspired you to become a therapist?

My love for human behavior happened early in life. I noticed things other people may not have. My life journey forced me to look at my life early on. I was a giver and didn’t have great boundaries. I had depressing love stories that were painful to me. I started my work in rehab. I gravitated to working with families, which is all about relationships. I believe everything boils down to relationships.

What is codependency?

Over Focusing on others and under focusing on ourselves. It can be a lack of control, prioritizing others, losing ourselves. Our early experiences in childhood lead to this behavior. We are often needless and wantless. We’re not asked in childhood. We aren’t raised to have a voice. 

How does codependency originate?

It can be shaped in many family environments. It’s about a loss of ourselves in the family dynamic. We play roles in families. A codependent is the peacemaker, the understanding one. There’s also a dominating strong side to codependency: do as I say or I’ll hurt you. Submissive codependency is: do as I say or I’ll hurt me. It becomes about survival and being responsible to do something to be loved. With parent/child relationships, there’s a back and forth power struggle in codependency. There can be a feeling of having power and being a victim.

How does being codependent affect our romantic relationships?

One partner can blame a partner for every issue and not take responsibility for their own issues. If you feel powerless, ask yourself where your power is. Staying in a toxic relationship represents how young we are when we’re relating. It’s imprinted in us from when we were young, when our survival depended on staying. We couldn’t leave then, and when we’re adults, we don’t realize we can leave. It’s about survival and making the other person love them. 

If you’re working so hard to fix the relationship, you’re under the illusion that something will change. Do less. It brings so much discomfort. We sit back and see how open the person is to talking things out and respecting us.

How can people begin healing from codependency?

Begin with taking the energy you use to focus on others, and redirect it back into your own life. It gives you the right perspective. It’s healthy to take responsibility for yourself. Keep your own side of the street clean. Repair whatever needs healing on your side, and you’ll begin to heal from codependency. Your life will grow larger without the tunnel vision of focusing on others. Focus on your career, friends, hobbies, which calms your nervous system. You can only control yourself.

What’s one last piece of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

The best thing to do is to understand your patterns and the way you relate. Do the work of looking at yourself and your life. On my website, I have a workbook for relationship history. It exposes the patterns bring to relationships, including the assumptions. 

Watch this episode on YouTube

Connect with Charisse: http://www.charissecooke.com and on Instagram @thecharissecooke

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

If you’re feeling stuck in dating or relationships and would like to find your last first date, sign up for a complimentary 1/2 hour breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s book, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love.

Please support our sponsor: Amazon Music Unlimited. For a limited time, get it for FREE for one month. Just head on over to getamazonmusic.com/lastfirstdate to learn more and claim this offer.

>>>Want to be coached on the show? Fill out an application here: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching<<<


Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.