Healing From the Past for Healthier Relationships

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healing from the past

Healing from the past paves the way for healthier relationships. Therapist Marlisse Testa shows us how in this episode!

Marlisse Testa is a licensed Mental Health Counselor in Florida who works with teens, adults, couples, and families. She treats depression, anxiety, mood disorders, mild personality disorders, trauma, PTSD and complex PTSD, relationship issues, divorce, dating, grief/loss, self-esteem, self-care, assertiveness training and more. She is also trauma trained and she is a Certified Integrative Medicine Provider and a trained narcissist abuse therapist. She’s here today to speak about her book, Stow Your Luggage When Dating: Practical Ways to Get Back into Dating While Putting Your Past Behind You to Have a Healthy, Vibrant, and Lasting Relationship.  

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • Why she wrote this book
  • What is the Ice Cream Theory in relation to dating?
  • Some signs that you should walk away from a person you’re dating
  • What she means by ‘hold on loosely’
  • Advice for those who are impatient in dating and relationships

EP 568: Marlisse Testa – Healing From the Past for Healthier Relationships

Why did you write this book?

In all the work I do as a therapist, there are so many people looking for relationships and looking for love. So, I’m writing a trilogy on dating, relationships, and divorce. This is the first book.

What is the Ice Cream Theory?

It’s about who you are, finding yourself before you date. Fill out the ice cream cone in the book. The bottom is your ethics, morals and things that are unchangeable. The ice cream is the hobbies, interests, and things you love to do. Those things are changeable as we grow. They make us happy. Be in charge of your ice cream! On the top are the whipped cream/fudge/sprinkles. These are the people who support you and are there for you. They add to your life. They are the constants in your life. Once you define your ice cream cone, see that in the people you date. Do they know their moral compass, interests, and the people who support them? Be whole first!

What are some signs that you should walk away from a person you’re dating?

Know your deal breakers. If you see red flags/non-negotiables, walk away. It might be someone who has young children, lives too far away, etc. You want to know that they are healthy and whole and they handle conflict well. Don’t overlook the red flags.

What do you mean by ‘hold on loosely’?

It’s a song from 38 Special, and it talks about not holding on tightly to someone. Have boundaries and understand attachment styles. If you get too anxious, people will be pushed away. If you’re too avoidant, people might leave. Keep a healthy distance and don’t cling. Either date multiple people or have a lot going on in your life so you don’t build a fantasy. Take your time.

You say that dating takes time, like fine wine. What advice do you have for those who are impatient?

Realize you’re getting impatient. Online dating is so fast. You can’t hurry love. Slow down. Put a sign up that says, Be Patient. If you’re happy in your life, a partner is not your be all end all. Dating is an extra thing. If you’re that impatient, maybe you’re not as ready as you think you are.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Other than reading my book, be patient, stay on your dating journey. Know who you are, get your tools ready, know your boundaries, and take your time. Take breaks when you need them. It’s supposed to be fun!

Watch this episode on YouTube

Get a free ebook for 5 lucky listeners. Go to https://Stowyourluggagewhendating.com  click on “Get in touch” and leave your name, email, and mention Last First Date Radio to win a free ebook!

Get her book: Stow Your Luggage When Dating: Practical Ways to Get Back into Dating While Putting Your Past Behind You to Have a Healthy, Vibrant, and Lasting Relationship.  

Follow Marlisse on Facebook and IG @Stowyourluggagewhendating 

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

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Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love.


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