How Are Women Losing Out On Love?

Posted by in love after 40, understanding men over 40 | 0 comments


Ladies, you may unknowingly be losing out on love. My radio guest, Barry Selby, shares great tips to help successful, strong women who want to find lasting love.

My radio guest, Barry Selby is a best-selling author, speaker and relationship attraction expert. He helps strong, successful women find balance in love, life and business. He is a passionate champion for the divine feminine, and his heart is dedicated to serve women owning their magnificence and authentic power in life as well as in relationship.

Barry joined me for a deep dive into where women are losing out on love. We spoke about the women’s lib movement’s effect on dating today, the problem with dating apps, and how strong successful women can find love with greater ease.

Check out highlights below for episode #297: Why Women Lose Out On Love.

How Are Women Losing Out on Love?

Barry, what inspired you to become a champion for the divine feminine?

My own relationship mistakes led me on this journey. In spite of all the spiritual growth I had done, I couldn’t get my love life to work. What I learned was that authentic polarity in relationships was missing. When I started seeing women in their feminine instead of their powerful masculine mask, I wanted to serve that, not fix it, and that led to relationship success.

Back in the sixties during the women’s lib movement, women gained the freedom to work, dress like men, and eventually they did not need a man anymore. We’ve come a long way, but for women, the challenge is that being in the business world brings out the male mindset. If they do that in their love life, nobody wins.

My vision of the world is that the feminine will save the world, as they take care of everybody. Men are more linear. When you own your feminine, it’s 1,000 times more powerful than the masculine. The feminine is the life force itself. We all embody both feminine and masculine energy, but it’s about where we hang out that matters.


Why are dating apps not helping women find love?

99% of the dating apps are built by men. Men are single focused. They like to get things done. They can’t do a wide scan view of life like women can. The dating apps are set up to be a hunting/gathering process. Men swipe and say “That’s a target, that’s not”. Back in Victorian times, women would drop a handkerchief, and the man would pursue. The dating apps are not set up this way. Women often forget to be invitational or receptive.


How can women stop bringing the past to their present relationships?

We are a blank slate at birth, and for the first years of life, we soak up what our parents model. As adults, we subconsciously copy our parents in our relationships. We have to heal that. When you get clear about what patterns you have that aren’t working, you can change them. It’s always about you. If you date the same type of person three times in a row, you’re the common denominator.

My early dating life was marked by intense love and romance, then we’d have an argument and I’d break up. The wiring I had was that love and arguments don’t go together. My parents never argued in front of us. I recognized that even with my parents’ relationship that seemed ‘perfect’, there were patterns that got imprinted on us that weren’t healthy.

That’s why as soon as an argument happened, I would leave. I didn’t have the tools to know what was available to work things out.

NOTE: For those who are interested in going deeper, go to and click on ‘let’s chat’. You’ll get a 30 minute discovery session with Barry.

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