How do I make a man commit?

Posted by Sandy Weiner in communication skills in dating, dating after divorce, love after 40, single women over 40 | 2 comments

“I’m a 53 year-old divorcee,” writes Iris, “and I’ve been single for 23 years. I have recently had two relationships, one after the other, each one lasting 6-7 months. Both men said they loved me and wanted to be with me forever. And both walked away. How do I make a man commit to me?”

Iris is a beautiful woman who is having trouble finding a man who is a ‘keeper’. She loves to dance and keeps herself very fit. I can see why men would be attracted to her. But she is tired of opening her heart to love only to be disappointed again and again. Yes, Iris, it can be confusing and heartbreaking when a man confesses his ‘forever love’ and then disappears.

While there is no excuse for men who walk away without an explanation, there is something you can do. If this has happened many times in your life, I suggest looking within to see what you might be doing that could push a man away.

Only you will know for sure what that is. In my experience, one of the things that repels men most is sensing that a woman is needy. Do you call or text him several times a day? Do you push him to commit to you?

You ask “How do I make a man commit?” Truth be told, you can’t make anyone commit. They have to want to commit, in their own time, of their own volition. The more pushy and anxious you get, the more he will run away.

What you can do in a long term relationship is tell him your standards. In a kind voice, tell your guy what you need. And tell him that it’s okay if that’s not what he needs, but if he doesn’t want the same thing you want, let him know your bottom line. Do you want to give him a week to think about it? Do you want to walk away now and find a man who will cherish you?

The most empowering thing you can do is be true to yourself. Take back your power. Don’t try to force your man to do anything. But do let him know where you stand. You’ll feel so much better. You’ll be much less anxious. And the next guy just might be your ‘forever love’.

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