How Do You Know He’s a Romance Scammer?

Posted by in dating a dangerous man, dating after divorce, dating in midlife, red flags in relationships | 0 comments

romance scammerMany people say online dating doesn’t work. They say it’s a scary way to meet people, and they’d rather meet singles in real life. My questions is, how’s that working for them? Probably not so well. Because in real life, if you’re over 40, you probably meet very few singles. That’s why online dating is such a wonderful tool for finding love. It gives you access to people you’d never meet in real life. Most of those people are safe. But every so often, you’ll come across someone who isn’t. This guy is a romance scammer.

What’s a romance scammer and how do you spot them? Many years ago, when I first started dating online, a romance scammer contacted me. There were many red flags from the outset. I wrote an article about that experience here. Today, I spotted another┬áscammer (that’s his photo) and immediately reported him to JDate. He’s been removed from the site. Here’s how I knew he was a scammer…

How to Spot a Romance Scammer

1. Only one photo. Romance scammers usually post only one photo. They steal someone’s identity, and it’s always someone good looking of course. Why steal an unattractive person’s identity?

2. Widowed. All romance scammers that I’ve spotted were widowed. Women are often pulled in by a widower over a divorced man, believing the widower has less baggage because he had a wonderful marriage. Also, this guy had nothing filled out in his profile except that he was widowed. Big red flag.

3. Inconsistencies. In my last experience with a scammer, his essay was suspicious. He used lots of CAPS to describe the values he brings to a relationship. There were contradicting statements in his essay and in our first email exchange. First, his son was living nearby, and next, his son lived across the country. Red flag!

4. The sob story. There is often some big story in the essay or first email that speaks of a parent or child dying as well as his wife’s long illness. He tries to appeal to the emotions of a sweet unassuming woman.

5. Over the top affection before they know you. These scammers say words like “you’re the perfect woman for me” or “I can’t get you out of my mind” or “your beauty surpasses all other women on this site”. Don’t fall for these empty words. They are meant to manipulate you and lure you in.

What to do if you think he/she is a romance scammer?

As soon as I saw the suspicious profile this morning (one photo/widower), I grabbed his image and moved it to my desktop. I then opened up in browser, and dropped his image in. Voila! Up came a site for romance scammers, just as I suspected.

When I scrolled down, I found the complaints of several women who exchanged emails with this man who goes by the name, Rolland.

Here’s what they said:

I got these emails from a ‘man’ who said he was interested in dating me. Seemed to be a bit much for someone I didn’t know. A friend found this site. Following is the email he sent me and his photo. He is currently advertising on yahoo personals. BEWARE!!!!

How are you doing?Always happy to read you mail,just want you to know that when i was sleeping, my hand was searching for you, but you were not there. I turned my head, I opened my eyes slightly and saw you looking at me. I just smiled. It would be so typical of me to do. I didn’t know that you saw me blinking, getting glimpses of you. I turned my head to the other side and slightly fell right back to sleep. Within minutes, I felt you beside me putting off. I cuddled right into you, like two spoons against each other. This may just be memories, but I still wake up at times thinking of that morning smile when you read my mind.My heart is tripping for you.I will be so glad and happy to always be with you and think about you all the time. I care for you.. Have a lovely day .

Great Smile, Rolland

Then this one was sent…

How are you doing?Hope you have a wonderful day at work today. Sue, Just really want you to know that i can’t hide my feelings away from you again and i don’t really know how I can express my feelings to you because I wasn’t myself the first day I set my eyes on you on the site. I have seen and met great beauties, I have also learn t how I gaze at them but for once, and with you only, I lost control of it. I believe through this epistle you will understand me. I want to take you as a flower in my hand with which I’m charged with for responsibility to look ever after and to keep fresh. Next to you is like being next to paradise. I will so much appreciate it if you are mine and mine only. Great Smile, Rolland.

Notice the mushy gushy words he uses. Really? Unfortunately, many women fall for this effusive outpouring of fake emotion.

This guy also goes by another name and has tried to scam several women.

Beware the romance scammers, but DO date online!

In conclusion, please continue to date online. Practice the safety measures I mentioned above, and you will enjoy the online dating experience. Statistics show that most relationships today start with an online encounter. Stay safe and have fun. Your true love is out there, and he/she is probably on an online dating site.


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