How Do You Know if He’s Not That Into You?

Posted by in dating after divorce, online dating after 40, single women over 40 | 0 comments

he's just not that into youDear Sandy,

I am going on a third date with a man I met on Match.com. I notice he’s online 2 or 3 times a day. I login through an empty profile to check, but it sort of tells me he is not really that interested, right? It’s particularly confusing to me, because last week he had taken down his profile, and now he is very active again. Should I confront him about this? Should I take down my profile? How do you know if he’s not that into you?

Donna

Dear Donna,

To cut to the chase, his logging into the site means nothing. It could mean that he’s still exploring his options, which is healthy. He could be getting many emails a day, and he’s checking his inbox. So what? You’ve only dated him twice. If he shut down his profile now, I’d be concerned.

I have a question for you. If you’re logging in, why can’t he?

Think he’s not that into you?

When you’re in the initial courting phase of a relationship, why should either of you stop dating online? It’s wise to keep your options open until you have spent enough time together to make it exclusive. That’s when you have the talk about taking profiles down.

I am not sure why he took down his profile last week. It sounds a bit odd to me, but I can pretty much guarantee that it has nothing to do with his commitment to you this early on in your courtship. Nor should you take it as a sign that he’s just not that into you.

Don’t over-think it and don’t make assumptions. Just enjoy being with him when you get together for your third date, and don’t take down your profile until you’re both ready to be exclusive. You may decide after date three that he’s not for you. You need time to decide that there is potential for a relationship.

That could take weeks or months. In the meantime, be the easy breezy girl and enjoy getting to know him. Don’t put the cart before the horse. It usually leads to trouble.

Lots of love,

Sandy

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