How Does an Empowered Woman Date?
Monday night, on my Courageous Conversations radio show, I interviewed Jasbina Ahluwalia, Relationship Expert, Matchmaker and Dating Coach at Intersections Match. The topic was Dating as an Empowered Woman. She shared so many good tips, I wanted to share the highlights of the show.
What’s an empowered woman?
I asked Jasbina to define empowered. She said it’s about internal power, not outer power. It’s about being assertive in dating, not aggressive, and about bringing the same enthusiasm and energy to dating as a woman brings to work.
What’s the Ideal Dating Mindset?
She advises her clients to begin with a great dating mindset, which involved the following three important things:
Maintain awareness of what you can and can’t control.
Make a full out effort on what you can control.
Don’t let what you can’t control distract you.
An empowered woman is comfortable in her own skin, which is magnetizing to men. She has a strong sense of self, respect for herself and others, and she doesn’t try to control men.
What are some pitfalls to avoid in dating?
1. Having a mile long checklist. While it’s important to have clarity as to who would be a good match for you, it’s crucially important to make sure it’s a list that will serve you.
a. Ask yourself the ‘why’ behind every item on your list. If you’re seeking a man with a graduate degree, ask yourself why. What qualities underlie that item?
b. Also ask yourself, does the ‘why’ suit your own needs or others’ expectations? Make sure it’s about suiting your needs and not pleasing others. You’re the one who has to live with him, not them!
c. The third important question to ask yourself is, ‘who do I have to be to attract the qualities on my list?’ Attract the right partner by being the right partner. The most important thing you can do is work on yourself. Inner work attracts the highest quality partner to you.
2. Ruling guys out rather than in. Many women get so frustrated by their dating experiences, they can come to believe there are no good single men out there. They bring that belief on dates, and look for evidence to support that belief. They’re basically doomed to fail. Believe that there is a special someone out there for you, and you’ll be much more likely to have dating success.
3. Realization that the package can look different than the one you fantasized about. Many successful marriages and relationships are with people who were surprised that ‘he was everything I needed, but I unlike anyone else I’d ever dated.’ The man of your dreams will possibly come in an unexpected package. Be open, and you’ll be more likely to find your Mr. Right.
Jasbina also shared some great tips on online dating as an empowered woman, and how to have first dates that rock. Check out the podcast here.
What makes you an empowered woman in dating? Share your thoughts below.
And don’t forget, to grab a copy of my FREE report, “The Top Three Mistakes Midlife Daters Make (and how to turn them around to find love now” click here.