How Patriarchy Stress Disorder Sabotages Women’s Love Lives
What’s Patriarchy Stress Disorder, and how might it be affecting your love life? Dr. Valerie Baker shares her brilliant insights in this interview!
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My podcast guest, psychologist, author, and speaker, Dr. Valerie Baker pioneers healing Patriarchy Stress Disorder™ (PSD)–the trauma of 1000s of years of oppression imprinted in women’s DNA. She calls PSD the invisible inner prison that keeps women from experiencing their ultimate success and happiness. In over 20,000 hours of her work as a therapist and coach to successful women, Dr. Valerie has guided thousands of women’s PSD jailbreaks. She helps high-achieving women who’re sick and tired of sacrificing their health, sanity, and love lives to heal PSD so they can finally marry their professional and personal success and happiness–and fully enjoy it.
Check out highlights below for episode #324: How Patriarchy Stress Disorder Sabotages Women’s Love Lives.
How Patriarchy Stress Disorder Sabotages Women’s Love Lives
Listen/download the episode below. If the player doesn’t work on your device, use the iTunes link.
How did you come to discover Patriarchy Stress Disorder?
I’ve been a therapist for many years, specializing in working with trauma. In the traditional school of psychology, there isn’t anything about the collective trauma women experience. I didn’t think I had trauma. I hit a point where I realized through a series of crises (health, turning 40), that I had to face the fact that I was a dead woman walking in my marriage. After I separated, I declared my nonnegotiable qualities I was seeking in a partner.
My conscious mind was screaming, “He doesn’t exist”. But, I wasn’t going to settle again. I wasn’t dating, but I met my partner [in a place where we were both] following our passions! He checked off all my boxes, and I started noticing how difficult it was to receive being adored and treated like a goddess. It was outside my frame of reference.
It made me consider what was going on. I questioned what was keeping me from claiming and experiencing my birthright. I got a ‘divine download’ that PSD [Patriarchal Stress Disorder] was a legitimate trauma. It shatters our experience of wholeness.
It’s never been safe for a woman to be in her pleasure, assert her power and worth, or claim her success and happiness.
How do you define desire?
It’s embodied. It turns you on. It doesn’t have to be sexual desire. It’s what you really want. Makes you feel juicy and bubbly inside. The opposite is feeling a little bit dead inside. [To find your desire], find the defenses that block you from your truth.
What are some of the ways PSD manifests, and how do you heal it?
Ancestral DNA passes on memories for generations. There’s also a layer of trauma that exists in this lifetime, too. Could be from unwanted sexual attention. Walking home alone in the evening, or taking an Uber and feeling unsafe.
To heal PSD, connect to our heart and feminine centers, chakras and energy centers. It’s challenging to connect to our bodies. Trauma is embodied. It’s not going to be easy. I have a 5-step system I call jailbreak. [Listen to the episode to learn the five steps.]
How do you define trauma?
Imagine you start your life with a clean slate, as an authentic being. No defenses. We’re open. Then, someone yells at us or shames us for who we are. We say, “I guess I’m not okay. I have to hide that part of me.” Trauma interrupts our authentic expression and creates defenses as an attempt to restore safety. Don’t shine too brightly, don’t be too sexy, etc.
The patriarchal culture puts women through this. At the core is the trauma of worthlessness. A woman’s opinion, life, needs, power, body is not as valuable as a man’s.
We may be feminists and confident, but deep down, there’s a subconscious belief that we’re not worth much. From our trauma of not feeling worthy, we can’t articulate what we want, our worth.
What steps can our listeners take right now to learn more about PSD and begin to heal it?
Go to PSDandme.com, and get a free training on PSD, and how it may be affecting you.
Can you share one last tip for how woman can go on their last first date?
What worked for me is knowing your desire, what you want, and embodying your worth. Be able to bring THAT to a date. Know exactly what you’re looking for. Screw ‘as good as it gets’! Show up like the goddess you are, and remember that a man is there to serve you. He wants to worship you!
How to Reach Dr. Valerie Baker
Website: drvalerie.com
Podcast: her success radio
Email: valerie@drvalerie.com
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