How to Attract Big Wild Love
Jill Sherer Murray let go of a long time boyfriend to attract big wild love. Listen to her inspirational story in this episode of Last First Date Radio!
Jill Sherer Murray knows how to attract Big Wild Love, and in this episode, she’ll share her process! She’s a TEDx speaker, author, influencer, coach, and founder of Let Go For It®, a lifestyle brand dedicated to helping people let go for a better life. She’s also an award-winning journalist and communications leader who can trace practically every success she’s had in her career, love life, and more to letting go. Her TEDx talk, “The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go” has been viewed by millions of people. Murray’s self-help book BIG WILD LOVE released in May 2020.
How to Attract Big Wild Love
Jill, can you share your story about letting go to attract big wild love?
When I was in my early 40s, I let go of a relationship with a wonderful man that I was with for 12 years. I finally allowed myself to see the actual truth that I wanted to get married and he didn’t, and there was nothing I was going to ever do that was going to change his mind. So I had a very large moment of reckoning and realization. And upon that moment of epiphany, I decided to let go of him and start all over again.
As part of the process of doing that, I wound up finding the love I really wanted, which is what I now call big wild love, which is actually the love that I needed for myself. And so I worked very hard to cultivate big wild love, so that I would make different choices going back out into the world of dating and beyond.
The next year, I met the man that I would finally marry. And we’ve been married happily for almost 15 years. And so what really came from that experience is an understanding and a realization that there’s so much power in cultivating big wild love, which is actually not love with another person, but love for ourselves that we need so badly before we could even think about doing anything else. And then the power of letting go is unbelievable.
And I’ve experienced that on so many levels; in my marriage, in my career, letting go of a full time day job. But you know, still having those tools of big wild love and letting go have have just continued to serve over and over and over. That’s my story.
What would you say to someone who’s afraid to let go?
It’s okay to be scared, it’s okay to find yourself at the edge of the cliff and kind of be looking over and thinking, I know there’s a fire behind me, but I’m not doing that. That’s okay. Because things don’t have to happen overnight. It’s not like you have to jump off that cliff tomorrow. There’s a process involved. And letting go, that allows you to work through what you need to work through, so that you have the grounding you need when the time is right then to make that break.
It feels hard and heavy. But it won’t always feel that way. Because the things I don’t have now, I have the capability to corral for myself. When we go to the edge of that cliff, and we look over and we don’t see the net, we’re not jumping. If we allow ourselves to go through that process and get the help we need, when we get to that edge of the cliff again, we’re not looking for that safety net, because we know that we are safe.
What is Big Wild Love?
We talk so much about self love these days. That can be a very superficial, like we must love ourselves. But I’m talking about a very functional kind of self love that really allows you to get to two basic things. The first one is to understand what you believe about yourself, and what you believe is possible for yourself and what you believe you deserve. So it’s really understanding those beliefs, which we do not reflexively do.
And the other thing is we have no idea what we want. And so big wild love is about really making strides in both of those places. So you can really be in service of yourself.
It’s about doing some deeper work, and we don’t do that in five minutes. It’s not simple. It takes time. So give yourself the time. And put that arm up in the sand and say, ‘help me’.
What’s the difference between let it go and let it be?
It’s so easy to say, ‘just let it go’. But letting go of something requires you to be with it in as many different ways as you can inside of a very reasonable time period of course. In my letting go process this is this is actually my step two. Step one is epiphany, which means you come to the realization that it’s time to let go of something before you can move forward to the next thing.
You can’t do that without step two, or you’ll just find yourself right back in the soup. And step two is really feeling anything you need to feel around the idea of letting go. Notice the tunnel of pain. There’s no way around the tunnel. You just have to walk through it.
And so I think truly letting go is about acknowledging your feelings, because letting something go is about true detachment. And in order to have true detachment, you have to go through those cycles.
In terms of ‘Let it be’, to me, that’s just a way of saying you’re not going to change that. You’re not going to control that. It is what it is…just let it be what it is. I’m not going to change it, and you’re not going to change it. And I can accept that this is what it is, or I could not accept what it is. And if it really impedes me in my life in any way, then I need to let it actually go. And that’s a whole different bag.
Why do we often love people who are toxic to us?
The next time you date a toxic person, ask yourself, “Is he your pizza?” Remind yourself about how you feel. Because there’s so many times that I will say to my husband, “We’re going to have pizza. I want pizza tonight.” And then, like two hours later, I remember. No, I don’t want pizza, because that’s going to be a three week allergy attack, you know? And no, it’s not worth it. It’s just not worth it.
It’s about allowing yourself to have a normal response to pain, which is designed to serve us. And so until that becomes reflexive, it’s being mindful of something or somebody that feels very familiar to you, that you are immediately drawn to without reason or rationale. You know, people will say that’s magic. And I say that’s a red flag.
How can others find big wild love?
It has nothing to do with luck, or fate. Everything that we have in our lives, we choose. We beat ourselves up for the bad choices, but we have to take a moment to embrace the good choices and and just be with them and be grateful.
We do need to celebrate those wins because they inspire and empower us to keep moving and to keep on course. And it shouldn’t be that letting go or cultivating Big Wild Love should be like an ongoing root canal. It should become joyful once you’ve done the hard work, you’ve gone through the loss, you’ve gone through the grief that is associated with letting go.
Then the fun stuff comes, because now you’ve got some really powerful tools that enable you to get to where it is you actually want to go. And maybe for the first time in your whole life, you are actually asking yourself that question of ‘what do I want’?
And I think that when you don’t try to control every aspect of it, you open yourself up to the amazingness of what’s possible.
Connect with Jill and buy her book here: http://letgoforit.com
Listen to Jill’s previous episode on Last First Date Radio here.
Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.
If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to find love this year, sign up for a complimentary 1/2 hour breakthrough session with Sandy http://lastfirstdate.com/breakthrough
Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate