How to Be a Giver Without Becoming a Doormat

Posted by in love after 40, self-esteem in dating | 0 comments


Are you a giver? Giving is a beautiful thing, unless you are dating a taker. Here’s how to be a giver without becoming a doormat, especially when you’re dating!

If you’re a giver by nature, you love to help others, and you treat people the way you want them to treat you. But, there have been times when you’ve felt taken advantage of by takers who don’t give back. How do you keep on giving without being taken advantage of, especially when you’re dating? That’s the topic of today’s video.

What to do if you’re single and a giver by nature?

Women are conditioned to give, give, give. We feel good when we’re giving. But without boundaries, giving endlessly turns you into a doormat, and you get no respect.

During the courtship phase of dating, it’s important to see how much a man is willing to invest in you on all levels: time, finances, and physical effort.

This is what builds a safety net for you to give without feeling unsure of his intentions.

Research shows that the giver feels closer and more committed to the recipient of their giving. So, if you want a man to feel good, connected and committed to you, become a taker.

This may seem counterintuitive, but when men have invested in you, there is something called a ‘sunk cost’ incurred.

That’s why men become more committed when they give and you take.

How can you apply this to your love life during the courtship phase of dating?

1. Say yes to his gifts and favors. You might think that your selflessness and giving, without taking, will result in gratitude, attraction and love. Instead, you will probably find the man you’re dating is ungrateful, uncommitted, and uninvested in the relationship.

If you want to be cherished, let him give to you and invest in the relationship. He will value you more and become more attached.


2. Ask for favors and help: Women often have a hard time asking for favors or help, especially from a man we like. I encourage you to ask men for help. A good man wants to make you happy, and when you ask him to hold your bag, reach for something on a high shelf, or pick up something at the grocery store, you ignite his drive to provide, which will make him sink more deeply into his masculinity. Aren’t you attracted to that quality in a man?


3. Express gratitude: If you’re a chronic giver, you may feel guilty when you’re on the receiving end. But, it’s crucial that you learn to receive with grace. The key to not feeling selfish or guilty is gratitude. Be grateful for every kind thing a man does for you. Give back in small ways once you have been on a few dates, like leaving a tip, paying for the valet, or getting a round of drinks. There will be plenty of time for reciprocal giving and taking once you’re in an exclusive relationship.


You can be a giver again once you’re in a relationship.

If and when you become exclusive, there will be more of an equal give and take. Now is the time for preparing a five course dinner, getting those concert tickets to his favorite band, and going on an expensive trip.

When you’re in a relationship, you both give and take, communicating your needs and desires, so there is no buildup of obligation or negativity.

If you follow these guidelines, you will be giving and taking from a place of empowerment, grace, and honor. This is how to build a relationship with a man who cherishes and values you.


Have you been too much of a giver in past relationships? Please share your thoughts below.


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