How to Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse

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narcissistic abuse

If you’ve ever experienced narcissistic abuse, this episode with Dr. Alina Kastner is for you. Learn how to break free!

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How do you break free from narcissistic abuse? Dr. Alina Kastner, MSc, is a leading Vienna-based psychotherapist. Working with individuals, couples, and families across all backgrounds, she brings “bold systemic therapy with a twist” to match her clients’ fire and courage. Her specialty: promoting deeper intimacy, connection and clarity while helping people navigate trauma and narcissistic abuse; the latter of which was the focus of her doctoral thesis.

In this episode:

  • What exactly is narcissistic abuse, and why it’s so difficult for people to see when they’re experiencing it
  • The first step to protect yourself from a narcissist
  • The biggest misconceptions about narcissism in the media
  • How to tell the difference between an emotionally unavailable partner and a true narcissist
  • Small acts you can take to begin rewriting your story of narcissistic abuse

EP 706: Alina Kastner – How to Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse

Highlights of this Episode

What is narcissistic abuse – common signs
• Narcissistic abuse is primarily psychological: gaslighting, lack of empathy, exploitation for admiration (“supply”), envy, devaluation and discard.
• Victims feel confused, anxious, walk on eggshells, and may develop PTSD/C-PTSD.
• Pattern: intense love-bombing → gradual devaluation → isolation → increased confusion.

Who is vulnerable & why
• People raised with narcissistic or fragmented caregiving often unconsciously seek familiar (unhealthy) attachment patterns.
• Compassion toward family is different than compassion toward a romantic partner; trying to “fix” a narcissist rarely works.
• Highly compassionate people can be especially susceptible.

Healing and practical self-care steps
• Start small: meditation, breathwork, therapy, journaling. Break healing into manageable steps.
• Invite and feel painful emotions (e.g., use the “pain hour”) rather than only intellectualizing.
• Create must-haves / deal-breakers lists for relationships; be flexible on “nice-to-haves” but firm on non-negotiables.

Dating, differentiating avoidant vs narcissist, and co-parenting
• Avoidant vs narcissist: avoidants can usually self-reflect and are willing to work on attachment issues; narcissists lack empathy, deflect blame, and won’t respect boundaries.
• Early testing: look for consistency of actions with words over time; many red flags surface within weeks.
• Dating tips: prefer profiles/actions that “show” values (not just boastful claims); listen for listening, empathy, and groundedness.
• Co-parenting with a narcissist: aim for no emotional engagement; communicate facts neutrally; use lawyers if necessary; maintain modeled behavior for children.

Watch on YouTube

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