How to Break Free of One-Sided Relationships

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one-sided relationships

Learn how to break free of one-sided relationships in this podcast episode with relationship coach, Trevor Justice.

Trevor Justice is a relationship coach who specializes in anxious attachment relationship skills, as well as the author of Attract Love and Respect: 5 Ways to Be Valued in Your Relationships. He empowers people-pleasing women and “nice guys” to come first for a change, leaving frustration and disappointment behind.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • Why common dating advice like “Play it cool” and “Let them set the pace” is often wrong
  • What anxiously attached people should never say when they hear from a slow-to-reply partner
  • How to evoke empathy when standing up for yourself, instead of upsetting your partner
  • When pleasing and accommodating your partner can backfire
  • How to break free of one-sided relationships and be valued instead of taken for granted

EP 593: Trevor Justice – How to Break Free of One-Sided Relationships

Why is common dating advice like “Play it cool” and “Let them set the pace” often dead wrong?

If you play it cool and don’t ask for much and are a people pleaser, you let others come first and teach them to prioritize what they want vs. what you want. They can take you for granted. Expressing your needs demonstrates that you value yourself. I call this ‘moments of truth’. Don’t minimize your needs.

What should anxiously attached people never say when they hear from a slow-to-reply partner?

Anxiously attached people value close contact.  If you’re anxiously attached, and your partner is slow to respond to a text, it’s helpful to recognize that your anxious mind is distorting your thoughts. You might be assuming the worst. Rather than repeatedly texting or calling, journal first. When you speak to your partner, don’t start with blame or accusations. Start with curiosity about what was going on for them. You want to know if they’re willing to meet your needs in the future.

How can you evoke empathy when standing up for yourself, instead of upsetting your partner?

You can evoke empathy by using the ‘magic request formula’. The first step is vulnerability. It helps people have compassion for you. Use words like, “There’s something I want to talk to you about, and I feel nervous bringing it up.” The next step is to guess what their needs might be so your partner doesn’t feel attacked. “I imagine you need _______and you feel happy _____________.” He’ll probably correct her if she’s wrong, which is great because he feels seen and heard. Then, express your positive feelings when your needs are met. “When you stay by my side at the party, I feel happy and safe.” Then share negative feelings. “When you go off by yourself, I feel alone and sad.” The final step is “Would you be willing in the future to stay by my side next time we go to a party.”

How can you break free of one-sided relationships and be valued instead of taken for granted?

When you feel the fear but express your boundaries and needs, it creates a two-sided relationship. Or it teaches your heart that you deserve better. When you believe you’re not loveable, something is wrong with you, you’re not enough, you’re afraid to set a boundary. We help people embrace and replace so they have the love they deserve and desire.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

People value you as much as you value yourself. Things will come up organically in dating. You might want the person you’re dating to be generous. Show them what you need. You’ll see what they do, and the earlier you bring things up, the better.

Watch this episode on YouTube

Connect with Trevor

Free gift “Change Who You Attract & How You’re Treated” https://get.attractloveandrespect.com/change-who-you-attract 

Website https://attractloveandrespect.com/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/attractloveandrespect   

Youtube https://www.youtube.com/@attractloveandrespect

LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/trevorjustice


Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply for FREE coaching on the podcast https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love.

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