How to Build Strong Successful Relationships
How do you create strong, long-lasting, successful relationships? My radio guest, Kevin Alston, shared many great actionable tips. Check them out here.
My radio guest, Kevin Alston, has developed an approach that effectively marries proven research with real-life application to help individuals and couples create stronger, long-lasting, successful relationships. As a Certified Master Peak Performance Coach, Certified NLP Practitioner and Master Trainer, he shared tips, strategies and insights that will enable you to develop a deeper understanding of who you are individually so you can be successful in your relationships.
Check out highlights of episode #290: How to Create Stronger, Longer Lasting, More Successful Relationships.
How to Build Strong Successful Relationships
Tell us about the work you do.
I’m a behaviorist. Understanding why people do what they do helped me develop an empathetic attitude. A person is not necessarily their behavior. I look at their behavior and how we frame things.
What’s the difference between having empathy for your partner and condoning their behavior?
Empathy is understanding their behavior. Condoning is accepting the behavior. You may not accept behavior, even though you empathize with it. You don’t want to accept bad behavior just to keep the peace in a relationship.
Why is it so difficult to forgive?
Forgiveness takes work. It’s not mystical and magical. It’s one of the most challenging thing. Forgiveness is a conscious act. We must understand that 90% of what we do is unconscious. It’s habitual. Being able to forgive is a conscious act of will. Most people would rather just go to the next relationship (and repeat the same mistakes) instead of doing the work.
What does the work entail?
The work is understanding that we see things differently from our partners, and we need to come up with a solution that will suit us both. We need to override the subconscious comfort zone we’ve been in to find a happy medium. We must be flexible to make it work.
If you’re divorced and holding onto anger at your ex, you’ll take your past patterns to your next relationship. Understand what caused you to react to his behaviors in the past, and you’ll be able to move on with a clean slate. You won’t bring your past issues to your next relationship.
Humans go through three periods of development, and most of us make decisions based on our first 21 years.
Three periods of development:
1st Period: Ages 0-7/Imprint. We pick up from our environment. We absorb whatever is around us, as we’re too young to make decisions for ourselves.
2nd Period: Ages 8-13/Modeling: We have conscious awareness of right and wrong, and we build on what we learned in the first 7 years.
3rd Period: Ages 14-21/Socialization: We integrate everything we learned in the first two phases. If you and your partner grew up in different environments, you will do things differently, and it can create tension in a relationship.
What are the 3 P’s to a successful relationship?
Planning: You’ve got to plan what the future looks like. Where are we now, where do we want to be? Discuss a blueprint for your common relationship vision.
Praying: Prayer is important. When you say you want something, you incorporate the right behaviors to bring those things into fruition.
Playing: The same things you do to date the person you’re with, you have to do to keep the person. Continue to date and keep the relationship alive.
What is the number one reason relationships fail?
Relationships fail because people don’t forgive their partner for something they did, or they don’t forgive themselves for something they said or did.
If you’re holding anger over your partner, it will disrupt the relationship. We need to take full responsibility for what we do in relationships. We look to our partner to make changes, and they look to us to make changes. We both need to change the way we see the issues and become accountable.
Can any relationship be saved?
I believe that as long as both parties put in what’s needed to save the relationship, every relationship can be saved.
To learn more bout Kevin’s courses and programs, visit Kevin’s website.
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