How to Communicate With a Difficult Ex

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difficult ex

If you have a difficult ex, attorney A.J. Grossman can help you communicate without losing your mind. Listen to learn how.

Attorney A.J. Grossman, the son of a Navy Officer and the founder of several businesses, learned early on about service to others. Being in the right place and doing the right thing for those in need drives A.J. to continue growing his legal practice. He focuses on providing solutions that protect the interests of those who seek amicable resolutions in their lives.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • How can people have a good co-parenting relationship with their ex after a contentious divorce?
  • What can people do to protect their children from the nastiness that usually happens in a divorce?
  • How can people communicate better with a difficult ex when they don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things?
  • How should people respond to the nasty text messages and emails from their ex?

EP 517: A.J. Grossman – How to Communicate With a Difficult Ex

How can people have a good co-parenting relationship with a difficult ex after a contentious divorce?

Every person is unique, made up of our past experiences. One of the themes I see is one parent will try to enact too much control over the other parent. Be mindful of your parenting. Learn about your partner’s style. Find common ground and why it’s important to do certain things. Talk about their differences, too. That will go a long way. “It’s clear we have a different perspective on parenting, and I want to learn more about where you’re coming from.”

What can people do to protect their children from the nastiness that usually happens in a divorce?

Unfortunately, children are seen as pawns in the divorce struggle. I’ve seen the mom withholding the child from the father, because he hasn’t done what he needed to do. That’s never fair. Parents should be doing everything they can to facilitate a good relationship with both parents. Kids might become anxious, afraid and act out. 

I’ve also seen parents ask children to take messages to the other parent. They need to be left out of the divorce process as much as possible. Let kids know they’re loved by both parents.

Also, parents often say the other parent doesn’t love them anymore. I’ve also seen parents get together for an event, and instead of placing the child first, they use the opportunity as their soapbox and vomit all of their complaints to the other parent. The child starts to feel it’s their fault.

To protect their child, focus on what’s within the child’s control. Don’t share anything they don’t need to hear. 

How can people communicate better with a difficult ex when they don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things?

I believe in celebrating differences. We can coexist with different perspectives and points of view. One massive step to minimize conflict is to check your assumptions at the door. We assume people do what they do for whatever reason. We’re often wrong, so have a learning conversation. Don’t just go in to justify your point. Instead, find out where they’re coming from. It communicates that you care enough about them to listen sincerely. Appreciate their willingness to be vulnerable with you. Empathy is massive!

How should people respond to the nasty text messages and emails from their ex?

If someone is not coming from a place of internal power or strength, do everything you can, whether it’s working with a coach or therapist, to get the strength to minimize the impact of the messages. Know these messages are about them, not you.

You can also respond by ignoring. Or say “I refuse to allow you to communicate with you that way. When and if you can respond in a civil way, I’d be happy to have this conversation.”

If there’s a lot of jabs, but also something about the kids, respond only about the kids. Ignore the rest, and be firm. Limit your communication. 

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

  1. Know yourself. Know your values and beliefs and what you want out of life. 
  2. When you’re on the date, ask yourself can you accept this person exactly as they are? If there’s something you need to change.

Watch this episode on YouTube


Connect with A.J. Grossman:

Website: https://www.leapfrogdivorce.com/ 

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ajgrossmaniii/ 

YouTube Channel: http://youtube.com/channel/UCpJO0TfEhDt7wLsoG7hoMrQ 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Leap-Frog-Divorce-100980501286565

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