How to Conquer Conflict in Relationships in Four Minutes

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conquer conflict

Dr. Glenn and Phyllis Hill have developed a tool to help you conquer conflict in only four minutes. Listen to this helpful episode!

Dr Glenn and Phyllis Hill developed a tool to help conquer conflict in relationships in just four minutes. After experiencing 30 years of a painful marriage, Dr Glenn went back to school to become a marriage and family therapist and clinical sexologist.  He spent many years researching emotions and studying how the brain fires when we experience them, which led to developing the Connection Codes. Through using their unique system, couples who had signed divorce papers reunite, incomes double, health diagnosis is reversed, and sexless marriages experience joy in sex.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • What they thought marriage would be like, and what actually happened
  • The shift that helped their marriage survive and thrive
  • The tool they developed to help people connect deeply in their relationships
  • How we can stay connected   
  • How our brain uses emotion to connect us

EP 562: Dr. Glenn and Phyllis Hill – How to Conquer Conflict in Relationships in Four Minutes

What did you think your marriage would be like, and what actually happened?

Glenn: We were stunned by what our marriage really was vs. what we thought it would be. We didn’t have the tools to connect.

Phyllis: We were young when we married, but that wasn’t the only problem. People don’t usually have the tools for success. We bought our first house early on, had good jobs and a good car. But we had dated long distance and written letters, and we didn’t know how to live together.

What was the shift that helped your marriage survive and thrive?

Glenn: It all boils down to the connection codes, the blueprint for connection. I was on a quest to discover how we could get lost so horribly. We married on purpose. It took a long time, but the research helped us see how we disconnected so we could chart how to connect. We realized it’s always the emotions underneath that’s where we get lost.

Phyllis: We fought over the dishwasher. Glenn came into the kitchen, and I thanked him for unloading the dishwasher. He would say, “That’s not the only thing I did for you today”, and I’d shut down or walk away. This time, I said, “What did you hear me say when I said thank you for unloading the dishwasher?” Glenn would hear it as demeaning. That was a huge shift for our relationship. She said, “oooh! No wonder you responded that way!”

Tell us about the tool you developed to help people connect through emotion.

Glenn: We came up with eight core emotions and developed the core emotion wheel: anger, shame, guilt, fear, loneliness, sadness, hurt, joy.

Phyllis: Talk about your emotions. Name them. We have a four minute tool. Every day, slow down and talk about your emotions with your partner using the core emotions wheel. It helps people connect more deeply. Don’t resist the other person’s energy or try to fix it.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Phyllis: Share your authentic self, your emotions even on a first date. See if the person is safe for you. You deserve someone who makes space for your emotions.

Glenn: Everyone who’s connected deeply is using the connection codes. If not, we don’t feel safe and connected. When you present your authentic self at the start, you will know early on if someone is a good fit for you.

Watch this episode on YouTube

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