How to Consciously Choose the Right Man

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consciously choose the right man

In this episode of Last First Date Radio, Relationship and Sex Therapist, Kongit Farrell, and I discuss why it’s so important to consciously choose the right man for you.

My radio guest, Kongit Farrell, is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Sex Therapist, and the Founder of the Inspired Journey Counseling Center in Los Angeles. She specializes in helping women get the lasting love they deserve.

Check out the highlights of episode #303: How to Consciously Choose the Right Man for Your Relationship Goals.

How to Consciously Choose the Right Man

How did you come to do this work?

I came from a divorced family, and I never had the skill set to attract and maintain a healthy relationship. I learned from example to be a single women and date haphazardly. Over time, I realized I was missing what I needed that would lead to what I wanted. I went on a journey to understand men and psychology. I’m now happily married for seven years (and about to have our first baby!).

What’s the difference between Consciously and Unconsciously choosing a partner?

Consciously Choosing: This is about being very intentional about quality and the type of partner you’d like to attract.

Unconsciously Choosing: This is what most women do—haphazard dating. They hope to somehow just fall in love with someone, and they get frustrated when they don’t get what they want.

Here’s a good analogy: If you wanted to go to Harvard, you would be focused and take the right steps to get in. If you meet the right requirements, you’ll get in and be prepared.

You can’t get into Harvard if you’re making Junior College preparations. If you want to meet the right man for you, prepare to meet him!

A man of value looks for a woman of value. Be that woman!



What are the 3 key components to Consciously Choosing the right man?

1. Get clear about the quality of the relationship you’re seeking. If you want a long term relationship leading to marriage, your relationship goals will help you choose the right partner. It will help you decide how to present yourself to your ideal partner.

2. Take time to get to know him. If you’re looking for lasting love, give it time. Pace it. See if the person you’re dating is consistent. Get centered on your standards and pacing, and set clear and loving boundaries. If he’s moving more quickly than you sexually, you can say, “It’s important for me to wait. If that doesn’t work for you, I’ll understand, and I wish you well.” Believe in abundance. Stay away from predatory men who love-bomb and throw out false compliments to manipulate you. Don’t fall for it. Slow things down.

3. Get clear on how to become the woman your ideal man is searching for. Do some inner work, and see where you need to work on yourself. There are so many resources to help you do this work. Work with a therapist or coach, and work on your relationship literacy. Become intentional about the steps it takes to attract the relationship you want.

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Download/listen to the entire episode here:


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