How to Create a Blissful Sex Life

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sex life

It’s possible to create a blissful sex life, no matter your past sexual experiences. Listen to my interview with Andrea Balboni about sex!

Andrea Balboni is a Sex, Love and Relationships Coach who wants every woman to know that the secret to having the relationship, sex and intimacy you want lies deep within you. She knows how to uncover that secret, because she’s done it herself. She now guides other women to create incredible relationships full of depth, connection, love and blissful pleasure so that they can live life and love in a whole new way.

In Ep 484 of the Last First Date Radio podcast:

  • The number one thing holding people back from the sex life they desire
  • How to have create a blissful sex life, no matter your past
  • How to make peace with past sexual experiences that didn’t serve you
  • What mindful masturbation is, and why it’s important
  • How people can connect more deeply during sex 

How to Create a Blissful Sex Life

What’s your story?

Shame was something I struggled with most of my life. I’ve been single most of my life, and now I have a boyfriend after doing work on my relationship and sex and intimacy. 

How can someone prepare for intimacy if they’ve been single for a long time?

One of the worries that comes up most for women, especially in midlife, is when someone asks about past relationships, and there’s shame in not having enough or having too much experience.

I finally came to self-acceptance, that I could be a great partner, and that I was a sensual person. I had become disconnected from my body and sensuality over time. 

What helped me was reframing sexuality as something that’s intrinsic and natural. We’re born to experience pleasure and bliss. It helps us thrive. It’s sacred and beautiful.

Talk a little about body shame and how it relates to our sexual health.

Our bodies are like a map that carries and expresses pleasure. As our bodies change, our pleasure map also changes. Knowing that, we can reconnect to our body again and again as we age. Does our body want a different flavor of touch? Know it for yourself first, so you can communicate that to a partner.

There are so many shapes of bodies in the world, which is beautiful. It can be helpful to see other bodies, like when you’re at the beach, and normalize how you feel about your unique flavor.

How can you experience more pleasure in sex if you’ve never (or rarely) orgasm?

I recommend a book, Come As Your Are, by Emily Nagoski. Know you’re not alone. It’s okay if you never had an orgasm or never will. If you do want to experience orgasm, begin to understand the blocks. Sometimes it’s shame that holds us back. Sometimes pleasure feels dangerous, due to our conditioning. 

Other times, it shows up in our bodies, and we don’t need to know the story. You can start with body mapping, feeling where pleasure shows up more. What do I need to hear or know to relax a bit more into my body?

What are the benefits of a regular self-pleasure practice – and what is mindful masturbation?

Mindfulness is a great gift. It slows us down and makes us present. When we bring mindfulness to our bodies and pleasure, we slow way down. We can notice discomfort and breathe through it to get to pleasure. There’s more understanding of what brings you pleasure. I encourage women to make a ritual around mindful masturbation. You give yourself time to shift from your day into pleasure. Move slowly. Listen to what your body wants and needs, what texture, where is pleasure showing up? Where are there blocks? Breathe and release the blocks. It helps you understand the pleasure map of your body. 

How can people connect more deeply during sex with their partner?

Allow yourself to feel all feelings in the bedroom, and let your partner know what’s going on. If things come up, let your partner know if it’s about you and what you’re experiencing. Own what’s yours, and don’t take on what’s theirs, and know what’s shared. 

What can support connection is nervous system attunement. You may be in different places when you come together at the end of the day. Gaze into each other’s eyes for a few minutes, and that helps you attune.

You can also put one hand on your heart and one on theirs, and breathe together for a few minutes. You’ll be vibing together. 

Even though I’m talking the talk, walking the walk is still a work in progress.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

You will go on a last first date. It’s so much about the journey. That’s a special gift. Appreciate the journey, not just the destination. The end is just a beginning. All the learning will have a direct impact on the relationship you find.

Watch this episode on YouTube

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