How to Cultivate a Deeper Connection With Your Partner

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deeper connection

If you want a deeper connection with your partner, listen to this podcast episode with Bryan Reeves. Elevate your relationship today!

Bryan Reeves is back on the podcast, talking about cultivating a deeper connection with your partner. A former US Air Force Captain, he is an internationally renowned Author and Life/Relationship Coach with a current focus on supporting men to have better lives and relationships. His viral blog has been read by over 50 million people worldwide. He’s the co-founder of “Elevate Your Relationship,” a live coaching program for men ready to improve their relationships. He’s co-host of the popular podcast, “Men, This Way,” and author of his newest book, Choose Her Every Day (Or Leave Her).

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • Why the article “Choose Her Every Day (Or Leave Her)” resonated for so many people 
  • The three stages of love and relationships
  • Who pays on a first date?
  • What men can do to make women feel safer
  • What women can do when a man checks out of the relationship to help invite him back in (without sacrificing or losing herself)

EP 601: Bryan Reeves – How to Cultivate a Deeper Connection With Your Partner

Your book “Choose Her Every Day (Or Leave Her)” began with an article that went viral. Why do you think that article resonated for so many people? 

I wrote the article in 2015, and it hit a nerve because it was written by a man waking up to my responsibility in relationships. It was unique at the time for a man to take his role in relationship dysfunction. The title and focus also struck a nerve. It validated the experiences many people were having.

What are the three stages of love and relationships?

The three stages of relationship are:

  1. Codependence: When we’re born, we’re dependent on another human being to keep us alive or we die. Through our younger years, our lives depend on others. Many of us fail as adults to move to the next stage. In relationships, it’s a power struggle. “I need you to be okay”.
  2. Independence: Who are we independent of our family system? We adapt as children to exist in our families, but we become independent as we separate from our families. Who am I? What are my boundaries and values, needs in relationships? Many couples struggle with firmly navigating their independence while in a relationship with another. We share power. We negotiate. “I don’t need anyone. I got me, you got you.”
  3. Interdependence: We are two independent people who exist together. We are in communion, and we allow each other to need each other because we know what we need. “I can allow myself to need you.”

You say that it’s men’s fault that women feel unsafe. Why is that, and what can men do to make women feel safer?

Many men are taught that their prime directive is to not hurt women. But they turn into the nice guy who doesn’t assert himself and his needs, trying not to hurt her or make her feel uncomfortable. That nice guy syndrome makes women feel unsafe, because they are not trustworthy in their lack of authenticity and owning their boundaries. He needs to speak up more and assert himself.

Is there anything women can do when a man checks out of the relationship to help invite him back in (without sacrificing or losing herself)?

I call it MCS – Masculine Checkout Syndrome – when a man stays physically but checks out mentally and emotionally. The woman can’t ‘get’ him back, but she can invite him back by giving him feedback, not criticism. If she criticizes, she will shut him down. If she gives him feedback, which is a vulnerable reveal of what is happening to you in his presence (I miss you, I feel lonely), she’ll get through to him. Give him positive feedback.

You have a chapter on who pays on a first date. Can you share your thoughts on this controversial topic?

It depends on what stage you’re coming from. When I was stuck in stage 2 of relationships, I would usually pay, but I would judge a woman for not offering to pay or split the bill. At that time, that’s what I wanted. That changed in my late thirties when I asked myself what I wanted out of a relationship and what women wanted from me. In stage 3, I wanted a relationship with a woman who was able to receive my gifts and it felt good to me whether I wanted to see her again or not.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Be clear about what you want. Be willing to speak it up front. Be willing for your date to not share your vision. Be willing to give feedback early on and set boundaries. 

Watch this episode on YouTube

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