How to Date Authentically

Posted by in love after 40, self-esteem in dating | 0 comments

date authentically

When you know how to date authentically, you will attract your best partner. Listen to Drew Dominey’s words of wisdom on the podcast!

Want to learn how to date authentically? This episode is for you. Dominey Drew specializes in personal and relationship coaching. She has a direct, intuitive approach, where she solves in mere minutes issues that people have struggled with for decades. She’s been featured in Forbes, Entrepreneur Magazine and ThriveGlobal, and loves nothing more than facilitating powerful transformation for her clients.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • What does it mean to date authentically?
  • Why do people hold themselves back?
  • How can people learn to trust and find themselves?
  • How can we be lonely when in a relationship?

How to Date Authentically

How do you define authenticity?

It’s about living from who you really are. Recognizing the distinction between who you are and who you think you are and what others think you are. We often miss who we really are. When you’re not authentic, you feel like you’re not quite yourself. It messes up your relationships. It even can cause health issues.

How and why do people hold themselves back from being authentic?

People numb themselves; watch tv a lot, stay super busy, video games, burying yourself in work. It can also look like spiritual seeking; constantly trying to learn everything from everyone. 

Ask yourself, “What am I avoiding?” Maybe you’re avoiding discomfort. 

If you’re authentically not ready to date and you date, maybe you’re trying to avoid being alone.

How do people learn to trust and find themselves so they can date authentically?

Most of us want to stay comfortable instead of getting uncomfortable to grow. Discomfort is your system’s red flag. It makes us not talk about certain things. In doing so, we lose an essential data point, as our body is talking to us. We want to live a full life, but when we refuse to feel a certain realm of life, we miss out on important fullness of life. It narrows our emotional range.

Notice the places you’re uncomfortable. When something painful comes up, sit and feel your body–where life is happening. Feel whatever you’re feeling, and it will go away in a matter of seconds. Avoid it, and it can last decades.

Why do we get lonely even if we’re in a relationship?

We get lonely when we’re disconnected from ourselves. It’s unrelated to whether you’re in a relationship or not. When I was feeling lonely, I learned I needed to be present with myself. That’s how I felt less lonely and was able to feel connected whether I was in a relationship or not.

If you have a problem in a relationship, about 1% of the time, it’s the relationship that’s the problem. When you work on yourself, the other person doesn’t need to do the work. As women, we’re usually trying to fix the other person. The shift from where you are to taking responsibility for everything in your life, takes you from victimhood to empowerment. Now, there’s something you can do!

What about when women do all the work, and he’s not interested in fixing the relationship?

When do you kick him to the curve? When you say you’re doing all the work and he’s not, you might be pushing him away by holding that up to him. How will you know it’s time to leave? You’ll feel it and there won’t be drama. The drama is yours to manage. If you don’t deal with it now, it will show up in the next relationship.

When you want to process what’s going on in your relationship, ask yourself: “What are you feeling in your body? What color is it? If it had words, what would it say?” Listen to your body!

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Take yourself out on a date. Let that be your last first date to start. You may not know when you meet your last first date. Nurture your relationship with yourself. When you do the right inner work, you will attract the right partner effortlessly. Authenticity is an incredible comfort with yourself. When you’re authentic, the people you want will line up to be with you!

Watch the video here:

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