How to De-Stress in Dating and Relationships
My podcast guest, Dr. Amy Serin, has helped millions of people de-stress. Learn how to flip the stress switch in dating and relationships.
Want to de-stress? My podcast guest, Dr. Amy Serin is a best selling author, neuropsychologist, and inventor of stress-technology, TouchPoints. Her new book The Stress Switch: The truth about stress and how to short circuit it, highlights the new neuroscience of stress and how we’ve got it all wrong when it comes to stress management. Dr. Serin’s insights and invention have helped people de-stress over 1,000,000 times in 2018 and she is on a mission to help people cure their excess stress so they can live better lives.
Check out highlights below for EP 370: How to Flip the Stress Switch in Dating and Relationships.
How does stress affect dating and relationships?
So much of stress is a pre-conscious system. The stress switch is being turned up and down without us knowing it. You don’t need to know why you’re stressed. If you feel a ping in your gut and you start getting stressed, you need to disrupt it. You can’t talk yourself out of ‘fight or flight’. You can’t even breathe your way out of it.
In relationships, breakups create trauma. When we’re trying to build a new relationship and we have unresolved trauma, our brain will overgeneralize. If we have an experience with a covert narcissist, for example, our brain might try to get us to avoid all men. Talking and listening can’t always change our behavior or way of thinking. It has to be resolved in the nervous system.
How? Some people are able to get support through therapy or coaching. In others, when there’s deeper resistance, something like EMDR therapy can help heal.
How does your TouchPoints device work to de-stress?
There are two devices that are worn at the same time. They can calm stress down with gentle vibrations in less than a minute. You can use them throughout the day. The nervous system is resolved quickly and stress is lowered.
Why do relationships create so much stress in people?
We often have unresolved unconscious beliefs about relationships. This can cause you to avoid what your intuition is telling you is good for you. (Example: Don’t date that man. He’s charming, but he’s dangerous for you emotionally.) Courage kicks in when you lower the stress points.
When you’re in a relationship with someone who’s dramatic and charming, it’s like playing a slot machine. It’s exciting, fun, and addictive. Your pleasure and reward center is hooked in. We detox women from these exciting/toxic men. We take away the pleasure controls over the decision.
What should you do if your stress switch is on high, and your partner wants to talk?
You can turn down your stress switch. If I have to talk to my boyfriend about something upsetting, I use the TouchPoints. I have them on when I’m talking, and then I give them to him.
It takes a lot of courage to just talk. Don’t talk when either one of you is in fight or flight. Get your stress down lower before you talk.
Write down what you want to say and reread it several times. Do visualization exercises. Exercise, eat healthy, sleep well. Meditate or breathe. Don’t have a time pressure. Don’t do it on the phone or in the car or after a stressful day at work. If one of you has a high stress level, table the talk for another time.
What’s your best advice for our listeners who want to go on their last first date?
Use discernment before you go on the first date. Throw out your shallow check list. Pay attention to how you feel. Are they kind and principled? That’s what matters most.
Get a copy of Amy’s book here: https://amyserin.com/
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