How to Deal With a Man Who Blows Hot and Cold

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blows hot and cold

Ever been with a man who was loving one day and disappeared the next? Susan Winter shows you how to deal with a man who blows hot and cold.

My podcast cast, bestselling author/relationship expert Susan Winter (Allowing Magnificence and Older Women/Younger Men) writes, speaks and coaches on evolutionary forms of loving partnership and higher thinking. Internationally recognized as a thought leader in her field, Susan’s media credits include: The Oprah Show, The Today Show, Good Morning America, Harpers Bazaar, People Magazine, New York Magazine, and many, many more.

Check out highlights below for episode #328: Susan Winter on How to Deal With a Man Who Blows Hot and Cold.

How to Deal With a Man Who Blows Hot and Cold

Download/listen to the entire episode below, or click this link.

How did you get from opera singer to financial news broadcaster to author— and with a book about relationships with younger men?

I never saw this coming! A series of events led me to where I was best suited. When you hit the sweet spot, it contains everything you know and learned before.

[Many years ago], I built my dream home an hour outside of New York City on a golf course. I worked out at a gym, met a kid who was twenty years younger than me, and that’s when everything blew up. My seven-year relationship with him prompted me to write Older Women/Younger Men. It became an international bestseller, which put me in front of the media.


What’s a major mistake women are apt to make that’s causing them to lose out on love?

Most women have become mute. They’re terrified to speak up. If we speak our truth, then we’re difficult. But…staying mute keeps us from getting what we want. There’s a way to communicate that you’d rather he do this than that. Or it hurt me when you didn’t show up on time. Strategically say what you need to say. Don’t be afraid to share your truth.

What’s your method for speaking up about what you want in a relationship?

1. Know what you want. How would a relationship feel/look to you? Imagine how you want to interact with your partner. Do you want exclusivity or not? Live with someone?

2. How do you share it? Lay it out there on a first date and in your profile. This filters out all those who don’t want what you want.

3. Wrap it in a diplomatic way. [Speak your truth in a way that’s kind and firm.]


How should we deal with a man who blows hot and cold?

It’s either a hiccup if you’ve been dating for a while, or it’s an inherent part of someone’s personality. The ‘hiccup’ person will speak up and express where they are [and why they’re pulling away at this time]. The one who blows hot and cold as a cycle is using a training methodology. You engage the ego. You are wanted, and then they’re scarce. You start chasing. They come closer and distance again. In a real hot and cold player, you will not get the attention you got at the beginning again. And we buy this behavior over and over again.

Understand when you have someone who does this, it’s a pattern and you can’t have a relationship with them. Tell them you like them, but the hot and cold thing is not working for you. Ask them to be consistent. If they can, great. But, chances are they won’t change. Walk away.


How can a woman retain her self-esteem while dating in a time of hookups, ghosting and bread-crumbing?

Continue to be the person you want to be. Treat men like they’re you’re prospective mate. Play full out. Don’t amend yourself downward and lose your center. Always keep your goals and values, even though you may think nobody is on board with you.

Find Susan Winter at

Watch her videos here.

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