How to Deal With Breakup Guilt
The person ending a relationship often feels breakup guilt. In this video, learn how to overcome breakup guilt and find lasting love.
When you’re the one ending a relationship, it’s common to experience breakup guilt shortly after the relationship ends, especially if you see your partner suffering after the breakup. It’s also common to glorify and miss all that was good in the relationship, instead of remembering what didn’t work. As a couple, you had hopes and dreams, and now those are over. Even if you know your ex wasn’t right for you, the dream of what you hoped for has ended, and that can bring up many difficult feelings.
How to Deal With Breakup Guilt
The Breakup Cycle
Have you ever stayed too long in a relationship that wasn’t working, because you didn’t want to hurt your partner’s feelings and cause him pain? It’s common to feel responsible for the well-being of someone you love, staying too long for fear of what will happen to him.
This is a type of codependency, and it keeps many of us stuck in the wrong relationship for years, even decades. Please remember…we are all responsible for our own emotional state. It’s not healthy for us to assume responsibility for anyone else’s pain or healing. Empathy, yes. Guilt, no.
Another cause of guilt as a relationship ends is second-guessing yourself by forgetting the bad and/or making excuses for your ex. Many people fall stay too long in relationships, because they believe their partner had the potential to change. The combination of believing in the possibility for change and the guilt over leaving can make you want to try again.
If you’ve convinced yourself that change is possible this time, even if it wasn’t last time, you’re opening yourself up for repeated heartache. For some couples, this pattern can continue for years. Without new agreements and a true commitment to change, relationship patterns repeat themselves over and over…
Do You Miss the ‘Idea’ of A Relationship?
Many people feel incomplete or unfulfilled when they are single. In breaking up the relationship, or being left by a partner, they feel the loss of the connection they once had. They have difficulty dealing with the reality of being alone.
These feelings of loss can lead to downplaying the challenges in the relationship, because the only way to feel a heightened sense of worth is when in a relationship.
Avoiding Breakup Guilt
There are several ways to avoid breakup guilt when leaving an unhealthy or incompatible relationship. Talking through your feelings with people you trust, including therapists and coaches, is an important step.
Taking care of yourself, choosing to stay active and involved in life, and looking to the future rather than dwelling on the past are vital steps in moving forward to eventually find a healthy relationship.
If you’re feeling confused, stuck, or overwhelmed by dating or relationships, sign up for a complimentary 1/2 hour breakthrough session with Sandy to learn how coaching can help you find the love you deserve: https://lastfirstdate.com/breakthrough
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