How to Drastically Improve Your Relationships

Posted by in communication skills in dating, dating a dangerous man, dating in midlife, red flags in relationships | 0 comments

improve your relationshipsDeborah Morehead has 20 plus years of expertise in the business of helping people. She is a highly trained leader, expert therapist, and outstanding teacher. Deborah is the creator of the “Stop the Cycle: Sabotage to Success Relationship System.” This is an effective and efficient Relationship Methodology, pulled from her extensive education, tens of thousands of hours interacting with clients, twenty years professional experience, and her lifetime of personal experiences. Deborah has a unique gift of looking right into your heart, recognizing your core needs then helping you transform yourself and your relationships to what you desire. 

I was honored to have Deborah on my radio show, where she shared fabulous tips on how to drastically improve your relationships. Following are loosely transcribed highlights of our radio interview, From Embarrassingly Sucky to Amazingly Wow Relationships. 

How to Drastically Improve Your Relationships

 

How did you go from embarrassingly sucky to amazingly wow relationships in your own life?

I was an elementary school teacher. I had a great family. But I just kept picking the wrong guys. I was cheated on, men I dated borrowed money and didn’t pay me back. It was embarrassing. I figured if I tried harder, it would be better. But nothing changed. It all came together when I was dating a man with severe addiction. The final straw was he stole a VCR I had borrowed from my father. I had to pay my dad back. I knew I had to do something different. The relationships were draining me financially and emotionally. So, I went to school to become a therapist and did my own counseling. I finally figured it out. I now enjoy helping hundreds of women create the relationships they desire!

What are the three primary problems that lead to picking and then staying with the wrong guy?

1. They don’t slow down and take time to know themselves first and understand their core needs well enough. We all work out of an unconscious place until we make it conscious. We keep picking guys who recreate our worst fears or beliefs about ourselves.

2. They haven’t slowed down to know what their non-negotiables are. They pick a guy because he’s cute or he likes her, but they don’t know their must-haves.

3. Once you are dating, you go into fantasy land. You like him, and you think about the future. Your hormones keep some of this going, but you have the rose-colored glasses on. You have to add in a way to evaluate the relationship and the man. Look closely for red flags. 

Why is it so important to know your non-negotiables before getting too far into dating just one guy?

When you’re in that fantasy land place at the beginning of a relationship, you feel like a giddy teenager again. If you’re not clear about what you really want for your life and your relationship, what happens is you end up settling for something you knew you didn’t want, or you think you’re going to change the men you date. In either case, it creates the setup for unhappy unsuccessful relationships. 

Your non-negotiables help you become the ‘decider’. Ask yourself, “What are you values, beliefs, and lifestyle that you’re already living and see yourself living in the future?”

What is the key to getting to the amazingly wow relationship?

Go through the three steps of getting to know your core needs and non-negotiables. You’re beyond the 3rd date, and now you’re starting to date more seriously. This is where the non-negotiables come in. Pay attention to the red flags. Be in the driver’s seat. Evaluate him. 

7 RED FLAGS

1. Doesn’t play well with others. Does he have his own friends? [Is he a team player?]

2. He doesn’t take personal responsibility. You want someone who can own and take responsibility for mistakes.

3. He has poor space issues. Time together and time apart—does he have his own space to do things with his friends? Does he give you time and space?

4. He has poor emotional boundaries. He doesn’t have a clear sense of himself and his identity. (For example, he’s attached to you and is planning the marriage on the 4th date, or he may be on the dangerous side; controlling, possessive, jealous, or the opposite end of the spectrum, he’s totally noncommittal and makes no plans.)

5. Lack of self-awareness.

6. Lacks communication skills.

7. Treats you poorly. Doesn’t want to take you out in public, is disrespectful, critical, judgmental. 

If you want to drastically improve your relationships, check out the entire interview here. 

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