How to Finally Be Free From Emotional Baggage and Have a Healthy Relationship!
Learn how to free yourself from emotional baggage in order to have the healthy relationship you yearn for. It’s never too late to have the love you deserve!
Psychologist and author, Dr. Audrey Sherman, is an expert at working with clients who want to be free from emotional baggage that’s keeping them from living happier, more fulfilling lives. She believes that happiness and hope really can be learned.
For almost two decades, Dr. Sherman has taught thousands of clients how to change their thinking and habits. By using her program, Dysfunction Interrupted, people can better control their lives, build healthier relationships and “Feel Good For Life!”
She is the author of Dysfunction Interrupted–How to Quickly Overcome Depression, Anxiety and Anger Starting Now.
Dr. Sherman joined me on Last First Date Radio to discuss, New Relationship, Same Old Baggage? Lose It For Good This Time. You can find highlights of this very informative show below.
Be Free From Emotional Baggage!
What are the 5 most common types of relationship mistakes or choices that we make due to emotional baggage?
1. White Knight Syndrome: When you don’t know your value, or you find yourself struggling to get by in a chaotic life, the white knight looks really good. He may be more financially sound, maybe he fixes things for you, and you get caught up in the attraction. The white knight needs you to be the chaotic mess. Once you know your value, he no longer wants you. The relationship goes downhill, and the woman resents his need for control.
2. Abusive Verbally and Emotionally. When you come from a dysfunctional past where you’re received emotional or verbal abuse, it’s harder to notice abuse. Your tolerance level is way higher than for someone who grew up in a functional home, and you don’t notice the abuse until you’re way into it. You have low self-esteem, and probably had parents who put you down.
3. Controlling. This is someone who takes over and does everything. When you are dependent, he looks good to you. He doesn’t swoop in like the white knight, but comes on strong, wants to be in a relationship too fast (love bombing). If you’re dependent, this can feel good to you at first.
4. Co-dependent and care taking. Someone is a mess, and we think we can help fix him and his dramas. Love depends on you helping him.
5. Attachment disorders. These are women are drawn to men who are narcissists or emotionally neglectful. You’re drawn to them like magnets, and you’re always insecure that they’re going to leave. Or you’re going to leave before they do. It’s a horrible relationship to be in.
Where does this baggage begin?
Baggage usually starts in childhood. Some people have a wonderful childhood but have a first time relationship that’s awful. Most of my clients have experienced emotional, physical, or sexual abuse at a young age. Their self-worth struggles. Or maybe they had a depressed parent who didn’t validate their feelings. They learned that their feelings are not important.
Once we recognize what we are doing, how do we stop?
Look at your faulty beliefs and messages as lies. If your message at home was, “you’re stupid”, know that it’s another person’s lie. Look at all the evidence that you’re not stupid. It’s like someone saying it’s raining when it’s not. Once you can distance yourself, you can see more clearly.
They then stand back and don’t rush into a relationship. The people we have the most chemistry with are the worst for us. It is really familiarity with the abuse you were used to.
The next step is to identify and look for red flags. Walk away.
Change your social venues so you can meet new types of people.
Next, do the wash, rinse, repeat cycle; you’re going to go through all of this a few times. Your new skills are not failing, so don’t give up and go back to the old way of doing things.
How do we proceed with a new relationship?
Start by making sure you’re beyond the red flags and the person feels like a friend. The friendship piece often gets overlooked. Look for common interests and enjoyment. Communication is important. Break your dysfunctional communication habits. Make sure he can also communicate directly and openly. Make sure your needs are understood. Be clear. Also, understand that trust is a big deal. Make sure you build trust.
To listen to the entire episode, click here.
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