How to Find True Love After Loss

Posted by in dating after loss, dating in midlife | 0 comments

love after loss

If you’re a widow or widower looking for love, my podcast guest, Barbara Kenyon, shares how to find true love after loss.

Barbara Kenyon knows a thing or two about finding true love after loss. She’s been widowed twice, both times following a happy and fulfilling marriage. Barbara found true love once again and got married last November. And for the last 25+ years she has been joyfully helping widows and widowers fall in love again following her 7-step process.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • Common fears of widows and widowers who want to date again
  • Re-framing dating to make it less scary
  • The 7-step process for finding true love after widowhood
  • What it’s  like to remarry in your 70s

EP 608: Barbara Kenyon – How to Find True Love After Loss

When considering dating again, what internal dialogue do people wrestle with?

Common struggles are not knowing how to date, what will their children think, and not wanting to feel like an awkward teenager again. They also want to know how to survive a first date, what to do if they get rejected, can’t imagine intimacy, and they don’t want to become a nurse or purse. They also tend to put their late spouse on a pedestal at first. 

How can you reframe dating to make it less scary?

My clients are in their 60s and have been married a long time. Dating is scary! I reframe dating as an interview instead of a date. You are the CEO interviewing an intern. Do you like them? The interview is not about firing questions, but having a light conversation to get to know them with no expectation about where it will go next. Assess whether you share the same goals and values.

What is your 7-step process for finding love after loss?

  1. Gain clarity about what you want for your life (where do you want to live, what hobbies do you want to pursue, etc)
  2. Become the best version of yourself (become your own best friend, be kind to yourself)
  3. Write a letter to your late spouse for greater peace (thank them, forgive them and say goodbye)
  4. Identify the qualities you want in a partner (don’t limit yourself, cast a wider net)
  5. Where are the good men? (Everywhere! It takes courage and a skill set to find them. Ask your friends to set you up. Also date online.)
  6. Learn to master the first date (it takes courage, but it get easier and less scary over time)
  7. Stay the course (so many people get so frustrated and quit. Do take breaks when you need them, but create a mantra to give you hope and stay the course. My favorite mantra is “All is well. Everything is working out for the greatest good. I am safe.”)

What’s it like to remarry in your 70s?

It’s wonderful. I met my husband on JDate. He’s exactly my age and shared my core values, but he was living 9,000 miles away in Uruguay for two months. We had 35 Zoom calls, 109 hours to get to know each other before we met. I was nervous when we met in person, because I had so much vested energy. He had me at hello. We met in March and married in November. We have so much in common and talk about everything! It’s easy, which is how I knew it would work.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Follow my seven-step process and don’t give up. Expect to win!

Connect with Barbara

Website   Website

Watch this episode on YouTube

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