How to Flourish After Narcissistic Abuse

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narcissistic abuse

You can flourish after narcissistic abuse. My podcast guest, Marina J, shows us how in this episode of Last First Date Radio.

Marina J helps women flourish after narcissistic abuse with her Narcissistic Template Method®. She guides women to uncover the hidden shadows that typical therapy, mindset strategies, or self-care habits won’t address so that they RISE and become the fabulous woman they were born to be! She’s the author of the bestselling book, Turn Yourself On, and host of the podcast by the same name. 

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • Common red flags of narcissistic abuse 
  • The green flags that tell us we’re going to flourish in new relationships
  • Why people still regularly over-give and under-receive in relationships after narcissistic abuse 
  • The number 1 tip for flourishing after a relationship with a narcissist

EP 573: Marina J – How to Flourish After Narcissistic Abuse

What are the red flags of narcissistic abuse so we don’t repeat the same lessons again? 

It’s about how you feel when you’re with a narcissist. If you’re feeling small and shrinking, that’s the issue. A narcissist is ‘me first’ at the expense of you. An empath is ‘you first’ at the expense of me. The key is I love me and you, not at the expense of the other. 

Narcissists don’t generate their own energy. They generate energy by sucking your life force away. That’s one of the first red flags. Are they blaming you or acting the victim instead of taking responsibility? Do you feel you’re walking on eggshells and can’t say no to them? Are they lying and cheating? If you don’t like who you become when you’re with that person, that’s a red flag.

What are the green flags that tell us we’re going to flourish in new relationships? 

You need to first get clear with your own feelings so you can recognize a green flag. You might hear “You’re amazing and I love listening to you” and you don’t believe it yet. The first green flag is you can feel emotionally safe and be yourself with them. When you meet the right person, it will be completely different, not destabilizing. You’ll feel calm and peaceful inside and not disempowered or smaller. You’ll feel seen. The relationship is easy. They are self-reflecting.

What was meeting the love of your life after a relationship with a narcissist like? How did you know he was different? 

I was a single mom living in Sydney, Australia. I met Paul – who’s now my husband – at a Christmas party. I had just said to god, “Bring me my match” and two hours later, Paul walked into the party. I stood next to him, and my body relaxed. He offered to carry my heavy bag. We felt so drawn to each other. He asked about me. I imagined he wasn’t interested in me like so many other men. But, he didn’t do that. He asked about my dreams. It was the first time someone heard me. I remember thinking this was different. We said goodbye and started calling each other. We spoke for three weeks, and we lived a few hours apart. He made a date to come to visit. And he was all about me, which I never had before. That’s how I knew he was different. Six weeks later, he moved closer to me, and eventually, he moved in and married me! It’s easy and straightforward.

Why do we still regularly over-give and under-receive in relationships after being with a narcissist? 

It can feel wrong to receive. You’re used to living in a deficit. The other person always had more and you had less. It was your norm. In the beginning it can feel lovely, but you’re afraid it will end. The Narcissistic Template is when you’re no longer with the narcissist, but you’re still giving 80% and getting 20% back.

What’s your number 1 tip for flourishing after narcissistic abuse?

Raise your standards and treat yourself like the queen (or king) that you are. You will not tolerate the abuse any longer. Commit to giving yourself love dollops every day.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Feel how your dates affect you. Feel it in your body. Don’t make excuses or override it with any thoughts that rationalize who they really are.

Connect with Marina J






Free training on how to flourish after narcissistic abuse

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