How to Get Over Your Ex

Posted by in dating after divorce, single women over 40 | 0 comments

One of the most emotionally difficult things to experience is the heartbreak of a relationship ending, especially when you thought there was potential for a future together. Sometimes it comes as a complete shock, but often there are signs along the way to the end. You may have chosen to look the other way or rationalize the heck out of every painful comment or action in order to remain optimistic and hopeful about the relationship. But then it’s over. It’s devastating. It’s like going through withdrawal from an addiction. What can you do to make it easier?

Four Tips to Get Over Your Ex

1) Cut off all contact. Don’t hang out where he hangs out.┬áThat also means defriending on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, email, phone, etc. Don’t stalk him online on any dating sites. You don’t want any signs of him in your life.┬áThis will lessen your thoughts of him, which will make it easier to move on.

2) Don’t talk about him. In the beginning, especially if you were dumped, you will probably be very hurt and want to talk about it. And ruminate. And talk some more. Your friends will listen until they can’t take it any more. Some will be kind enough to tell you that you should stop. I had a client who was obsessing. What did she do wrong to cause the relationship to fail? Why did she say that? If she only did this? I told her that she couldn’t use his name in a conversation with me anymore. She now calls him the “Schmuck”, but even that is not okay. The less she talks about him, the less she he will be front and center in her mind.

3) Get busy with good things. Keep yourself occupied with activities that will keep your mind off of your ex. Learn a new skill/hobby. Take a trip that you’ve been dreaming of. A good kind of busy-ness will help you to eventually move on.

4) Don’t date to forget. It’s easy to jump into a new relationship on the rebound. Don’t do it. I’ve seen too many clients who got remarried within one year of a divorce. And then got divorced again a few years later. You need to take time to be with yourself, to learn what you might have done to contribute to the relationship ending. Find yourself a coach or therapist and learn what to do better next time. This includes making better choices from the onset of a relationship. I suggest waiting a year after a long-term relationship (longer than a year) ends to begin dating again. This may seem like a long time, but you need time to heal.

These are just a few ways to get over your ex. This is a complex issue, and worthy of a much deeper discussion. I’ll definitely be addressing more on this topic in future blogs.

If you have other tips to share on how you got over an ex, I’d love to hear your thoughts below.

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