How to Have a More Blissful Relationship

Posted by in communication skills in dating, dating after divorce, dating in midlife, love after 40 | 0 comments

blissful relationshipRelationship coach, Wendy Williams, shows you how to have a more blissful relationship—even if your relationship is on the rocks.

Want a more blissful relationship? Wendy L. Williams, BSN, M.Ed. is a relationship adviser and coach who weaves together her background as a nurse, educator, speaker and personal development coach to help individuals, couples and communities shift from soul-draining to soul-satisfying (re)connection.

Bearing witness to oncology and HIV/AIDS patients living and dying over the years as a nurse in Boston hospitals, along with her own marriage rebirth, led her to bring the best of the best to relationship health. No other success can compensate for failure in the home. Without attention and care – marriages wither and dry up. But…. happier is way possible!

Following are loosely transcribed highlights of what Wendy had to say about how to have a more blissful relationship on Last First Date Radio.

How to Have a More Blissful Relationship

What is your story, Wendy, and how did it lead to marriage coaching?

I am a registered nurse and didn’t get married until I was 38-years-old. My husband was divorced with two kids, independent, a great guy. I came home one day after a 10-hour shift, and there were dishes in the sink, laundry in the basket. And there he was, sitting on the couch, playing the banjo. I threw everything down and was furious. I didn’t get married for this!

We went on marriage retreats, and I learned that marriages go through developmental stages, and there are points in time that are more and less fun. I learned that we tend to take things personally that aren’t personal. 

Why did your husband sit on the couch playing banjo instead of cleaning the dishes?

At the end of the day, men’s testosterone wanes. If there’s not enough testosterone, men are on edge. What regenerates testosterone is muscles at rest, doing things like watching TV, going into their man caves, etc. [That’s why he was sitting on the couch playing banjo, not because he didn’t care about me.]

You say that marriages in the 21st century are so different. What’s the core reason for that?

In social media, I often use the hashtag: #notyourmamasmarriage. That’s because we have gone through many changes in the past 30-40 years, mostly because of the women’s movement. Women are making a living and the division of labor has shifted. We used to have ‘companionship marriages’. Now, we’re looking for intimacy. Now that women do more, men are no longer everything for women. 

Men are confused and often feel marginalized by women who are super independent. In the 21st century, many men don’t know how to make a woman happy. 

What are two things our listeners can take away today and put into action to get closer to a soul-satisfying relationship?

One of the key things men can do for women is connect, listen (not offer solutions). Romance also increases oxytocin.

The three magic phrases for men to use with women:

  1. Really? Tell me more about that!
  2. Wow! That sounds tough.
  3. Is that all? Is there more?

Ten minutes of time, and a woman’s stress levels will go way down.

This goes against every fiber in a man’s body. They want to kill it or run away from it.

What would be great for women to do for men?

Guys can feel dismissed. We think with all four quadrants of our brains. Men are more linear.

Three great things women can say to men:

  1. Hey, that’s a good idea!
  2. That makes sense!
  3. Oh, you’re right!

This will help men feel like your hero, your emergency guy. You will set him up to win!

To listen to the entire episode and learn more about having a blissful relationship, click here.

Please rate, subscribe, and review the show on iTunes. You will find almost 200 archived episodes about healthy relationships in midlife that you can download.


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