How to Have More Love and Less Conflict in Relationships

Posted by in communication skills in dating, dating in midlife | 1 comment

less conflict

Want more love and less conflict in your relationships? Learn how to communicate effectively with my guest, Jonathan Robinson.

My podcast guest, Jonathan Robinson, is a psychotherapist, a bestselling author of 12 books, and he has been a frequent guest on Oprah and CNN. In addition, his work has been featured in USA Today and Newsweek. He recently wrote a book called “More Love, Less Conflict”, and he was on my show to talk about all things related to relationships, communication, and how to create more love and less conflict in your life.

Check out the show notes below for episode #312: More Love, Less Conflict Using Effective Communication Tools.

Listen to/download this episode:

How to Have More Love and Less Conflict in Relationships

How long have you been married? Do you and your wife have an easy, no conflict relationship?

I’ve been married 20 years. I was blessed to have an incredibly dysfunctional family growing up, and I had a midlife crisis at age 12. I began reading self-help books, and I eventually stopped being shy and depressed. When I met my wife, I had already done a ton of work to heal myself. We haven’t had an argument in over five years.

 

Is it healthy to never have disagreements in a relationship?

It’s normal to have disagreements, but arguments can harm a relationship. When my wife and I start to get stressed, we say, “Red Light”. That’s a sign we have to take a two-minute break and calm down. It can help so much.

 

How do you know when it’s time to take a break?

For me, when I’m talking really fast, or interrupting my wife, I know it’s time to take a break. Find what works for you. This method can work with your friends, family, and anyone in your life. We’re not taught how to speak in a way that leads to healthier relationships.

The three keys to happiness are, relationships, relationships, relationships. And the key to a good relationship is communication.

 

With the divorce rate almost reaching 50% of all married couples, why do you think so many couples are having a hard time?

I think things are more stressed than ever before. We have WMD: Widgets of Mass Destruction! We communicate through Facebook, email, and texting. We don’t have the quality and depth of deep connection and understanding.

There’s an epidemic of loneliness and suicide due to a lack of connection. In my opinion, this problem can be solved in about an hour. Effective communication skills change everything—even the amount of money you make. So much of work success depends on how you learn to communicate with your peers.

 

What is one thing people can do to quickly improve the quality of their relationships?

Studies show the best predictor of happiness in a relationship is the amount of appreciation each gives. Every day, I tell my wife, “What I appreciate about you is _______________. ”

Our culture tends to focus on superficial forms of appreciation and connection, which leaves us hungry for love and understanding.

On my website, I have a list of 12 questions that lead to instant intimacy. One is, “If you really knew me, you would know ____________________.”

Another is, “Right now, I’m feeling ___________.” “Right now, I’m wanting __________________.”

 

What’s a final message you want to share with our audience?

Women appreciate understanding and empathy, and they don’t like when men want to fix things. Men would do well to give women 30 seconds of empathy.

Men tend to be very results-oriented, and they want to be a hero, so use praise instead of complaints as a way of shaping his behavior.

Let go of blame, and get back to a place where you know love is the most important thing. It’s worth investing money, time, and energy to learn these tools. It’s not just an investment in yourself. Everyone will benefit and reach a place of understanding and connection.

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Click here for a free download of the 12 “Instant Intimacy” questions, plus an article about the top 3 skills couples need to be happy.


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Comments

1 Comment

  1. Thanks for sharing

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