How to Keep Passion and Desire Alive in Relationships

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passion and desire

If you’re in a relationship, passion and desire can wane over time. Here’s how to keep your relationship hot and sexy!

Mali Apple and Joe Dunn are relationship coaches, authors, lovers, and best friends. In their award-winning books “Wild Monogamy: Cultivating Erotic Intimacy to Keep Passion and Desire Alive” and “The Soulmate Experience: A Practical Guide to Creating Extraordinary Relationships,” they share revolutionary ideas for keeping long-term committed relationships connected, fulfilling, sexy and fun.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • How to keep passion and desire alive in a long-term relationship
  • What are the erotic comfort zones?
  • The four dimensions of sexual connection
  • How couples can turn insecurities, inhibitions and shame into opportunities for intimacy
  • How couples can channel “just enough jealousy” into passion and desire

EP 575: Mali Apple & Joe Dunn – How to Keep Passion and Desire Alive in Relationships

Before we dive into the topic of relationships and intimacy, let’s hear a bit about the two of you—how you met, how you knew this connection was special, and how you began writing and coaching together. 

We met a little over twenty years ago. Mali answered my Craig’s list post looking for a relationship, and we began talking deeply about relationships. That eventually led us into writing together five years later. We started interviewing people for the book, and our coaching evolved out of that.

In Wild Monogamy, you encourage couples to explore the edges of their “erotic comfort zones” to keep their intimate connection energized. Tell us more about that.

Erotic comfort zones are important because long-term relationships can lose desire and intimacy. That’s because we’re no longer exploring anything new anymore. Erotic versatility is about finding out where the edges of our erotic comfort zones are. Where do you get uncomfortable? Create a safe space to discuss all of our insecurities. That’s new territory and that’s what keeps sex and intimacy exciting.

In your chapter “Erotic Versatility,” you encourage readers to open up to all four dimensions of sexual connection: physical, creative, emotional, and spiritual. I’d love to hear more about this. 

Physical: This is porn, movies, what we think sex is

Creative/intellectual: Use the mind to come up with new ways to do things sexually

Emotional: Without an emotional connection, many people wouldn’t want sex

Spiritual: Some people need that in their sexual relationship

It corresponds to heart, mind, body and soul. Explore a new dimension to open up your connection together.

 In “The Healing Power of Eroticism,” you explore how couples can turn insecurities, inhibitions, shame, and even performance issues into opportunities for intimacy. Tell us about that.

Create a safe space to talk and explore. Don’t push each other. Exploring is connecting.

You’ve done a lot of work with jealousy in your books. In Wild Monogamy, you explore how couples can actually channel “just enough jealousy” into passion and desire—how does that work? 

There’s so much we can do with a healthy level of jealousy (not with someone who lies to you and cheats). We can play with jealousy. It’s a physical reaction in your body, similar to excitement. Reinterpret it to excitement. One way to use it is Joe will go swimming, and Mali will ask if I saw someone sexy today. I’ll tell her I saw someone sexy, and she knows I won’t stray, but I appreciate beauty. It excites her and adds spice to our sex life.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Pick well. Have a good sense of who they are even before meeting. Propose a relationship that won’t get stale from the beginning. Find someone who’s willing to explore life and love with you.

Watch this episode on YouTube

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Free Gift: Mali & Joe’s “Amplify Your Sexual Energy” Video Course Description: In this five-session video course, Mali and Joe guide you through an intimate and personal process to connect more deeply with your own sexual energy. You will learn how to release blocks to experiencing and expressing your sexuality, enjoy greater self-intimacy and self-confidence, and energize your intimate connection with a partner.  Value: $137

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