How To Not Attract Another Narcissist
Jennifer was married to a narcissist for 5 years. I coached her live on my show to help her NOT attract another narcissist. Listen in!
Have you ever dated or been in a relationship with a narcissist? Listen as I coach Jennifer live on air about how to avoid attracting or getting involved with another narcissist as she dates again after divorce.
Listen to/download the show here
Show Notes: How To Not Attract Another Narcissist
Tell us a little about your ex-husband.
I met my husband at 29, and he was 13 years older than me. I was 30 when we married. At first, he was interested in my interests, such as exercising. After we married, I realized, he didn’t like to exercise or do other things I liked. Then he started belittling me for exercising too much. That made our marriage distant. He was constantly criticizing me. [I feel like it was a bait and switch. Once he had me as his wife, he stopped being the charming man I was attracted to.]
We ended up living pretty separate lives. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I felt more peaceful whenever he was away. I realized I was people-pleasing too much to stay in the relationship. I had lost myself. That’s when I knew I needed to leave.
Who does your ex remind you of from your family of origin?
My father and his father, and my mother’s grandfather. They were alpha males. My dad was passive/aggressive. He hid his passive aggression well. With my dad and grandfathers, their needs were first, and the women did everything for them. My grandfather also had affairs, and my grandmother told me.
Wow! Such a clear parallel between your ex-husband and the men in your family. They are all controlling, and they hid something from the women in their lives.
It’s clear why you chose this man as your husband. It’s also evident this was not a model for a loving relationship.
What is love to you today? What are you seeking in a partner?
A partner in crime (we enjoy doing things together and support each other, and we don’t judge each other). Acceptance of the good and bad parts, someone to explore with, emotionally healthy, open to spiritual practices that are important to me, I want him to be whole as I am whole, and I don’t want to be alone anymore. I want to be able to receive someone who’s emotionally healthy. He isn’t looking for me to make him happy.
He’s kind. Knows how to argue kindly and talk things out.
Why do you think it’s been so hard for you to attract the right man?
It’s confusing to me.
I am 40 and mainly younger men ask me out. I hold out on sleeping with them and try to get to know them and they disappear whether or not I sleep with them. I tried dating older 44 to 54 and I still got asked for nude pics after the first date and one was highly immature. These men are all well educated, good jobs and sometimes have kids and I feel I vet them out pretty well. I am so confused so I have taken time away from dating for a while.
Listen to the rest of this episode to hear how I helped Jennifer connect the dots as to why she’s attracting the wrong men. You’ll learn how she can NOT attract another NARCISSIST. And the homework I gave her might be helpful to you, too, especially if you have a pattern of attracting in the wrong men.
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