How to Overcome Dating Anxiety
In this episode of Last First Date Radio, author Richard Kuhns has some surprising tips for overcoming dating anxiety.
Got dating anxiety? Richard Kuhns is a best-selling author of books about dating anxiety, self esteem, building confidence, self love, and internet dating. He’s also created over 50 CDs on stress-related topics.
In this episode of Last First Date Radio:
– Why are people so anxious on first dates?
– Surprising first date ideas (that may shock you!)
– Interesting icebreakers for first dates to help relieve dating anxiety
How to Overcome Dating Anxiety
Why are people so anxious on first dates?
What is anxiety? Where is it in the body? We feel it in our stomach and our blood pressure goes up. We can get a little clammy. It’s a stressor to go on a new date. Your stomach is not digesting. It’s the sympathetic nervous system kicking in. Which is your body’s way to prepare you to fight or run. It’s the unknown that gets us anxious.
When we recognize what’s happening, and that there is no real threat to our well-being, it’s easier to overcome anxiety.
What are some ways to overcome anxiety and relax on a first date?
Recognize that this is a normal response, but there is no real threat. A quick way to relax is to begin with breathing. You can sit or stand and breathe into your nose and into your abdomen. Hold it for a few seconds. Breathe in for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4. If you do that for a few minutes, it will bring your anxiety down. It also helps to smile as you exhale.
It’s important to reprogram your brain to say something like, “I’d prefer to be relaxed, calm, and have fun.” Rinse and repeat as necessary.
How can people manage their expectations before a date?
I had a quote on my wall, “Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out of it alive.” Life is rarely about achieving our goals, but how to deal with falling short of achieving our goals. Hope for everything and expect nothing.
What are five things people should never do on a date?
- Never meet for coffee. The best thing for sales is to be next to someone, not across from them. On a date, most people sit across from them, and that can be adversarial.
- Don’t meet for a movie, as you’re not talking to each other.
- Don’t meet for dinner, as the cost is high. It’s a big investment. Noisy.
- Bars are also too noisy.
- Don’t go for a hike, as it’s too risky.
What’s a good first date?
Go to someone’s apartment for a first date. Let them know you have food sensitivities and why restaurants are an issue. “I’m a great cook, what’s your favorite meal?” We’re planning a project and having dinner. She brings some things, I bring some things. And we plan the meal together.
What are some things that will help a date be more successful?
- Be confident. Develop confidence by practicing a skill over and over. If you can work with a dating coach, that’s great, because you’ll get feedback. Most people shoot themselves in the foot by repeating bad habits. Filling in silence, dressing poorly…
- Be assertive. If you’re a people-pleaser, work on being assertive instead. Set boundaries. Don’t let people deflect.
- Love yourself. Spiritually, physically, and emotionally.
What’s an icebreaker people can use to help relieve first-date anxiety?
You can play games. I liked to tell a story. “You’re walking down a road. Tell me what it looks like.” “You come off the roadway and go into a wooded area. A bear jumps out. What do you do?” See how your date responds. Have fun with it. You can analyze what their answers might mean.
Richard is offering a free stress management course you can access by going to www.DStressdoc.com and signing up at the bottom right.
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