How to Overcome Dating Rejection
My good friend and colleague, Bobbi Palmer, and I co-hosted a Blab live stream about dating rejection.
Do you know the difference between true dating rejection and false rejection? Do you know what to do when you feel like rejection has knocked you on your ass? Bobbi Palmer and I discussed 5 ways to keep dating rejection from taking you down.
Here are some highlights:
Sometimes, you create your own dating rejection.
When a guy doesn’t text or call when you think he should, that is not rejection. You might get anxious. Then you get angry, and you make up all kinds of stuff in your head. This leads to creating drama, and you put a wall up. If he does call or text after a day or two, you’re so angry, you end up pushing him away. Sound familiar?
You think the first date went really well, but he doesn’t ask you out on a second date. You feel rejected. You start thinking there’s something wrong with you, you’re unlovable, you’re too fat, old, stupid (fill in the blank), and you go down the rabbit hole of dating rejection.
Here’s what you need to know: There’s nothing wrong with you.
Take a step back and journal. What did you do well on the date? What might you have said or done that conveyed the wrong message to your date? Did you talk about being ‘crazy busy’? He probably thought you had no time in your life for him. Did you cross your arms and legs during the date? You may have given off a message of guardedness.
Did he know you were interested? Did you make it clear on the phone call, in the email, on a date? If not, be clear next time. Dating is for learning about yourself and about men.
Let’s define what rejection is:
Studies that show that the feeling of rejection is in the part of the brain that feels physical pain, and back in caveman days, when you were rejected from the cave, you died. That’s why it hurts so badly.
Today, our brains are evolved, and we have the ability to process. We can tell the difference between a real threat and a perceived threat.
Here’s a shocker: There is no such thing as online rejection!
Think about it. When you don’t know one another, how can it be rejection?
Tools for handling rejection:
- Let it float by.
- Journal about it and find the hidden lessons.
- Ask yourself, where does that feeling of rejection come from? Think about the first time you felt rejected.
- Ask if it’s true.
- Go ahead and throw a pity party; do feel the sting, but don’t let it knock you on your ass.
- Empower yourself: Know that you’re the CEO of your love life.
- Go on dates with ‘I hope I like him’, not ‘I hope he likes me’.
Let’s reframe rejection:
- Know that dating is a bunch of no’s until you get to the big beautiful yes.
- Look at your even though’s: I really like him even though…I never met him. I’m really attracted to him, even though…he isn’t always nice to me.
The next time you’re feeling rejected in dating, remember that it’s not rejection if you’re not in a relationship.
Don’t absorb the feeling of rejection and let it make you feel bad about yourself.
Feel the sting, learn from the experience, and move on.
And remember to see the big picture: dating is a bunch of no’s until you get to the most important YES of your life and go on your last first date!
Watch the video here. Please ignore the quality of the video, because the content is so rich and valuable.
And please leave a comment about a time when you felt the sting of dating rejection, and what you did to overcome it.