How to Overcome Fears/Stumbling Blocks in Relationships

Posted by in dating after divorce, dating in midlife, understanding men over 40 | 0 comments

fears and stumbling blocks in relationshipsErwan Davon has taught thousands of singles and couples how to have exceptional romantic relationships over the last 17 years. He is the founder, senior teacher, and president of San Francisco based Erwan Davon Teachings. He graduated with a degree in psychology and soon began teaching personal development for one of the world’s largest personal growth organizations. He then branched out on his own to support people in their relationships, and in 1993 founded Beyond Education, which later became Erwan Davon Teachings. He helps people overcome fears /stumbling blocks in relationships and then take your romance to new heights. Following are loosely transcribed highlights of my radio interview with Erwan

How to Overcome Fears/Stumbling Blocks in Relationships

Sandy: What are the most common fears/stumbling blocks in relationships?

Erwan: The biggest fear that people have to work through is the fear of being rejected. Humans care about each other. When we’re kids, we’re totally open to that. But we don’t always get the love we need from our parents. That wounded core develops a hard shell which shows up as defensiveness, capitulating, giving in all the time, or the avoider shell. All of these protect the soft core, the inner wound.

The partners that people choose tend to be like a parent or the opposite of the parent. It’s your relationship blueprint. It’s a self/other blueprint. People play out the blueprint especially in their romantic relationships. Let’s say that a little girl had an unavailable father. That’s her relationship template. She wants to resolve that. She might pursue men who aren’t available in an attempt to resolve the issue. She might think it’s about the current guy in real time today. It’s just the trigger for a much deeper issue.

Sandy: What are the stages of healing to overcome fears/stumbling blocks in relationships?

Erwan: The first stage is denial. Eventually you get to acceptance. Instead of fixing, accept and understand what’s going on and be with things as they are. People tend to underestimate the magnitude of the process. It’s not a quick fix. We are complex beings. How does change happen?

Research studies have come up with three essential ingredients for lasting change:

1. Awareness and understanding. Set up a plan. This is the cognitive part. Develop a vision/plan.

2. The heart has to get into it. Do you really want to change and do what it takes? There’s a lot of feelings that will come up. It will take a lot of time. It’s a commitment.

3. Structure and implementation, walking the walk. Does your social life/circle support your change? It’s important to get into action and walk your talk.

Sandy: What can each person in the relationship do to recognize these fears and address them effectively? How can each partner support the other in addressing his/her own fears?

Erwan: You need to understand your relationship blueprint internally and the blueprint between each other as puzzle pieces. My wife and I know what each others’ “trip” is; we get each other’s “thing”. When you understand that, it’s much easier to release it. It allows us to support each other and talk things out. We do a lot of hands on healing. It bypasses the “mentalization” that humans get into.

Hands on healing: One person lays down, the other sits by their side. Put one hand on their heart, one hand on their abdomen. Put on new age music and light incense if you like. Be physically connected to the heart center and body center. Sometimes you just need someone to be with you or breathe with you. Sometimes, it involves massage, mirroring, etc. This kind of concrete hands-on practice helps so much. Or maybe you like to take a walk together. Or you prefer deep touch. Also an advanced sexual practice is crucial for the “eternal date”; it helps you fall more and more in love over time.

To listen to the entire episode, click here.

For a free consultation, go to or contact Alicia at 415.308.9580


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